The Doomsday F*cket List
I’m sure you’ve all heard the term Bucket List once or twice before in reference to the things you must do before you die. Today, Elite brings you the Doomsday Fucket List; the dating and sex bucket list you have to complete before the world ends on December 21st.
Without question, there are probably thousands of things you’ve always wanted to do and hundreds of people you’ve always wanted to sleep with, but consequences and good judgment got in your way. Today is not that day.
Today is the day you throw inhibitions and fear out the window and realize that your time left on this planet may be limited. Therefore, you need to do whatever and whoever makes you happy. In other words, Carpe Diem (or for the lesser-minded ... YOLO).
Below we present the Doomsday Fucket List:
Hit it and quit it:
What the end of the world essentially means is that you have full permission to be a complete asshole with experiencing any of the consequences. If you’ve never had a one night stand before because you’re “too nice” of a guy or “too classy” of a lady, this is your chance.
Guess what? When the world ends, so does your reputation. Therefore, you no longer have anything to worry about. So go be the slut or man whore you’ve always wanted to be. This is the time to take full advantage and sleep with as many people as you want. The only thing that lowers inhibitions more than alcohol is pending doom.
The Mile High Club:
Telling you to go and join the Mile High Club is kind of cliché (even though I still recommend it), so this is me telling you to go and get down in every place that you ever thought of doing it but stopped yourself beforehand because the environment didn't seem too discreet or clean.
The end of the world comes with a no holds barred attitude. That being said, fulfill every location-based fantasy you've ever had with whoever is feeling as adventurous as you are when the moment strikes.
The fact that the end might be near is the perfect excuse to date whoever the hell you want regardless of what other people may think. For example, if you’re a nice little Jewish boy and have always loved Shiksas but were too afraid that your parents might kill themselves, this, my friend, is your window of opportunity.
If you’ve always wanted to know if the “once you go black you never go back” myth is actually true, go for it. Do Asians really have nothing to work with? Find out. Is having a Latin lover really as good as they say it is? You tell me.
There’s just something undeniably sexy about someone in uniform. I’m sure all the ladies can agree that they contemplated starting a small fire one time or another, just so they can be “saved”. As I’m sure most men have had fantasies about a hot police woman pulling them over.
First off, no I’m not giving you permission to start a bonfire or speed race down the highway in hopes of getting pulled over. But, I am giving you permission to try to date someone who has an actual job that requires a uniform. Spend some time with someone in uniform to find out what exactly it is that makes this attire so attractive in the first place.
Although it’s not likely that this may actually happen, it doesn’t hurt to try. If there has always been a celebrity that you have wanted to sleep with, but not gotten the opportunity to because you didn’t want to get arrested for stalking, this may be your chance.
Hop on the next flight out to wherever your celebrity crush is, stalk them, and bribe/beg them into getting down; you no longer have anything to lose.
Also, you can use Twitter, Facebook, and any other social media outlet to get them to pay attention. If you’re worried that people may think you’re crazy, don’t because the clock is ticking and this is the only way you'll possibly get what you want in time.
The Red Room:
To those of you that live under a rock, the red room of pain is the room in which Christian Grey (from Fifty Shades of Grey) likes to get down and dirty. Although I don’t suggest building an entire S&M room right now, I do suggest you take a few pages out of his book.
Go visit your local sex shop, get some handcuffs, sex swings, whips, whatever it is that floats that boat of yours and put it to use. Getting a little (or a lot) freaky may just be exactly what you need to take your mind off of the possibility that you might not be around for much longer.
Things Left Unspoken:
Witty banter aside, I want to take a moment and get in touch with my sentimental side. If the world really does end in a few days, take this time to tell someone how you actually feel about them. Whether it’s a friend that you’ve secretly been in love with your entire life, or someone that you’re already in a relationship with, few things are more painful than words left unspoken.
And who knows, that person may feel the same way and you’ll have about a week to spend together in absolute bliss. On the other hand if doesn’t go so well, hey, there’s only a week left, right?
Words of Wisdom: Whether the end of the world is upon us or not is subjective. However, regardless of what happens you should take every opportunity to live your life to the fullest. Not simply during the times where you think it may end.
Closing Thoughts: If you truly believe that the world is ending and use it as an excuse to say “Who cares about protection let’s just have sex”, please accept my sincerest congratulations on September 21st, 2013; the day you become a parent.
Gayana Sark | Elite.