The Three-Year Itch: The Make Or Break Of A Millennial Relationship

by Roxi Lim

After a couple has been together for three years, they are probably serious enough to know whether or not they want to be together for the long run; yet, the relationship is new enough to end it fairly easily if they don't see it going anywhere.

I don’t think couples that have been in love and together for three years are necessarily committed to each other. Now this might sound counterintuitive, but hear me out for a second.

In my opinion, the choice to commit starts when those feelings of love begin to lessen. You know, that period in the relationship when you feel like you are starting to take each other for granted, when you don’t have that fervent desire to see each other and when that other person no longer occupies your mind during every single second of every day.

This turning point, commonly known as the three-year itch for Generation-Y, is when a relationship is brought to its brink. At this point, we are faced with two choices: 1) Let go and plummet down into the depths of "never-to-be-seen-again" or 2) Struggle hard to get both feet on solid ground and revive the relationship.

Choice 1: End it

The person in the relationship who chooses to let go after a few years usually comes up with the worst excuses:

“I’m just not in love with you anymore.” “I can’t pinpoint what it is exactly, but it just doesn’t feel right.” “You are such an awesome person and there’s nothing wrong with you; I just don’t feel like this is going anywhere.”

For all of you who have been mindf*cked by someone who said something along these lines, trust me, you are not alone.

Allow me to provide you with some comfort in telling you that this person is not worth your tears. Why, you ask? This individual has a naive and superficial idea of how relationships actually work. Unbeknownst to him or her, you provide this person with the ability to feel love. At some point, this feeling ceases.

It doesn’t actually disappear, but because of familiarity, it seems like the emotions aren’t as strong anymore. To him or her, this phenomenon feels like the two of your are “drifting apart” because the initial connection you once had seems to have fleeted away.

Eventually, this person begins craving that euphoria he or she once felt and moves on to the next person who can instill this feeling again.

Choice 2: Make It Work

For those who choose to move forward in a relationship at the three-year mark, this is where true commitment ensues. At this point, it is the combination of both a rational decision and a deep emotional connection between two people.

Rationally, you realize that you have found someone great, and you would be completely insane to let go of this person. You make the decision to be that person’s support system and to always have his or her best interest at heart.

Emotionally, you both understand each other’s mechanisms like no one else does. You don’t expect your partner to be anyone other than who he or she is, and you need to have a connection that you would never even think of doubting.

Stay Clear Of Typical "Instincts"

To those who choose to commit, a fair warning: It will be difficult. It is so instinctive, for a woman especially, to think that a man doesn’t love her anymore because he doesn’t give as much effort as he used to. But this is exactly the kind of mindset that you have to steer away from if you want a deep, committed and loving relationship.

Stop thinking about what the other person can do to instill that fluttering, early-on feeling again because that is not what love is about. Free yourself of those insecurities and focus instead on how you can continuously appreciate your partner.

Love is not a feeling that should be triggered or instilled by someone else; it should be drawn from an intimate, deep gratitude for finally finding someone who understands you, will always be there for you and reciprocates all of this on the same level.

When you finally understand the depth that your love should reach and continuously work towards that, then can you strive for a committed and loving relationship.

Photo Courtesy: Fanpop