That Lifelong Enigma, Re-Examined: Can Guys And Girls Be Just Friends?
Guys and girls can’t be just friends, since someone always wants more. This is something we have heard our whole lives, but I believe that guys and girls can just be friends.
There are plenty of guys in my life with whom I’m just friends, at least. We would never court each other because that would be gross — and I know the feeling is mutual.
I do feel like we all have that friend, however, with whom we missed the opportunity. The one with whom, if the time were ever right, maybe you two could be together.
If you’re reading this article because you want to know if you and your best friend of the opposite sex can be more, the truth is that I have no idea. I don’t have any answers. I am just as confused as everyone else. Everyone’s situation is different, and I can only speak from personal experience.
It can get confusing: How can you not fall for someone you see almost every day? Someone with whom you have a close, comfortable, platonic relationship?
I have felt this way many times. Sometimes, these friends lead you on without necessarily intending to do so. You’re likely filling a void for them, as well.
I had a friend named Chris when I was 19 years old. He was older, handsome and a complete weirdo; he was perfect. Everyone knew I had a crush on him, and I’m pretty sure he did, too.
It took me a long time to confront him, and it wasn’t until I made a snap decision to take a step back from the friendship. Once I wasn’t spending all of my time with him, I was able to move forward.
I pushed the feelings and temptations to the back of my mind. “I don’t want to ruin the friendship,” I told myself. But, maybe the friendship would self-destruct faster and stronger if I didn't share my feelings. It can start to feel like a fake, one-sided relationship.
I felt like I didn’t need to seek a deeper connection with someone else because my fake relationship filled the void. Then, I would get mad when my fake relationship didn't fulfill my needs, despite how ridiculous the notion of this gripe may be.
In my fake relationships, it was only my fake boyfriend's job to be there for me as my friend.
It’s totally healthy to have friends from the opposite sex. I think everyone should have them, in fact, as they can make for amazing friendships. However, I think there should be boundaries.
Having sex, for example, is probably something good friends shouldn’t do with each other. Don’t get me wrong; you can totally have sex with your friends, but a friend with whom you spend all of your time? Maybe not.
Oftentimes, you won’t need to have sex with a friend to fall for him or her, however. Then what do you do? Hope that one day, he miraculously realizes what a wonderful life you two could have together? Well, you stick around anyway, as you would rather have this person in your life than not at all.
Don’t hide your feelings if you find yourself in love with someone who's supposed to just be your friend because falling for your friend will ruin the friendship, even if you ignore it. You must be honest with your friend and with yourself.
If you’re the friend with whom the other party is in love, don’t lead him on. Give space; set boundaries, don't kiss or try to take naps together. You’re the reason why he's confused in the first place. Understand that he may need space from you. Don't use people as emotional canes.
Be honest and forthright, always.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It