I get concerned for some couples.
Specifically, the ones who prefer having some of their most intimate conversations with each other through text messages. Or email. Or even worse, on Twitter and Facebook for the whole world to witness.
However after airing their dirty laundry online, many of these couples have difficulty when it comes to having those same conversations in person.
I get it. I want to avoid confrontation as much as the next person, but our generation has become way too comfortable hiding behind a screen the moment we feel vulnerable.
Like that moment you want to express your love for your lady, but you don't want to face rejection if she doesn't respond in kind, so you say it over text.
Or that moment your man gets on your very last nerve, so you decide to give him a piece of your mind via email. This way, you don't have to worry about him getting defensive and end up arguing about it.
Or better yet, that moment you repost some relationship quote that sums up how you feel about a disagreement, hoping that your mate will see it and really understand how right you really are. Cause being passive-aggressive always works, right? Wrong.
And while tech and social media might make it easier for you to get past those uneasy moments with your ego intact, they also give you a sense of false intimacy that can hurt your relationship in the future.
Intimacy is built through communication and communication is conveyed through much more than words. We often forget the importance of vocal inflections as well as body language that no amount of !!!'s or emoticons can replace.
We also don't take into consideration that most of us are multi-tasking when we're texting or are on social media anyway. So it's very easy for intentions to get lost in translation.
Building the habit of leaning on text or social media to be vulnerable with your partner also cripples your ability to communicate effectively when it really matters. The skills you build communicating about the small disagreements prepare you for the ones that really matter.
Being vulnerable is an integral part of any relationship and results from taking the risk to be your real and genuine self with your partner. It requires you to share things you'd normally withhold from others.
It means sharing values, feelings and fears with your mate that requires a high level of trust in order to feel safe doing.
So spend more time focusing on building trust and that safe space you and your mate need to express yourselves comfortably in each other’s company. Be less defensive and more understanding. Be less accusing and take more responsibility. Be less judgmental and more accepting.
Muster up the courage it takes to give your partner the opportunity to get to know the real you. In the flesh, not in the text.
On 11.23.13, I'll be hosting an event called, A New Approach To Us: #Love, #Technology & #SocialMedia for couples who want to finally find a way to make this whole tech and social media thing work FOR your relationship and not drive you apart. So come by, meet some new friends, engage in some fun games and engaging convos with like-minded committed couples! For details, visit: Co3Studio
Top Photo Credit: Relationship Arguing via Shutterstock