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5 Reasons Being A Penis Shower Is Better Than Grower

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I am a female. And therefore I do not have a penis nor will I ever understand the trials and tribulations associated with having a protruding love muscle instead of a cock socket.

But like most heterosexual women, I have a deep appreciation for male extremities and a deeper appreciation for the endless pleasure and sheer joy they can bring to my life.

Every woman has their personal preference when it comes to penises. Long, short, thick, thin, circumcised, uncircumcised... the criteria is endless.

Women can dispute the age old question "does size really matter?" for decades to come, but they can all agree on one simple fact: functionality is imperative. If a penis fails to stand erect and proud in my presence, I better hope this floppy joe has a really good mouth because we all know it is impossible to play darts with wet spaghetti. Point being, if any given stranger were to ask me, what kind of penis do you prefer, my answer will always be "a hard one."

Point being, if any given stranger were to ask me, what kind of penis do you prefer, my answer will always be "a hard one."

As a 26-year-old American female with commitment issues, I have had a fair number of romantic encounters with dicks that are scientifically classified as growers and those identified as showers. Both have their benefits I suppose. Showers are reliable. You know what you're getting yourself into from the start and know before the boxers come off if deep-throating is an option on that evenings menu.

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Growers, on the other hand, offer a nice element of surprise and really give life to what current Trump likes to refer to as a "sneak attack." But, quite frankly at the end of the day a hard seven inches is a hard seven inches. As long as I can help you reach your full potential, were going to Pleasure Town regardless of how your flaccid penis measures up.

If I were a male though, I could only hope that I would have been born a shower. Don't get me wrong, grower magic tricks are cool and I'm sure wearing skinny jeans is much easier with a penis that likes to cozy up and disguise itself as a third nut. But I have a theory that being a shower makes life a tad bit easier for a couple simple yet shallow reasons. Hear me out...

1. Grey sweatpants

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Like guys have a fascination with wet t-shirts and hard nipples, girls have an unhealthy obsession with grey sweatpants and dick outlines. Women stare. And fantasize. The contour of a cock perfectly rested against the left leg in athletic gear is just as good as ice cold water in the desert. Talk about thirst...

Essentially, woman kill for a view like this and they allow their imaginations run wild when they catch a glimpse. But, in the process of analyzing 50 cocks in shades of grey, the female gender doesn't stop to think about the plausible reality that the dick underneath may be a grower.

They take what they see at face value and see the value of putting that dick in their face. And then other places. Nothing more, nothing less.

2. The bulge

A man's dick print isn't exclusive to grey sweatpants. Jeans, athletic shorts, boxers... you name it. A shower just has been blessed with the special ability to nicely fill out clothing garments while simultaneously making girls moist. That's why bulge and dick outlines are the unofficial rubrics of the size test, and thats an exam every guy wants to pass.

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3. Public bathrooms/locker rooms

Men are publicly naked together on a daily basis. Whether they are showering at the gym, towel whipping each other before wrestling practice in the locker room, or just relieving themselves in the urinal, men are exposed to each other excessively throughout the course of their lives.

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Having personally heard comments made by ex-boyfriends in relation to other dudes, I have reached the conclusion that guys side eye each other from time to time or flat out cop a solid glance at other dicks so that they can compare it to their own. Guys have this notion that their virility and pride lie within their unit.

Call me insecure, but if I were a guy, I would want to silently boast my masculinity and know that strangers are confident in my “abilities.” Absolutely superficial, but no one can deny the satisfaction that is born from the approval and praise of complete strangers.

4. New partners

The first time a new girl reaches down into a guys boxers or takes off his pants with her teeth, there is no guarantee that the guys is going to have an excited penis.

Some guys need coaching. Or to consume less alcohol. But, what ever the reason may be, it doesn't change the fact that girls are shallow, self-absorbed, impatient creatures that all secretly believe that the mere sight of them will cause any guy to explode within ten seconds.

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Imagine you are a grower and some girl drops to her knees so she is eye level with your little monster, but you weren't quite ready and now she is staring at your dick with an analytical look of confusion. Seeing is believing, dude. And if she's not seeing full potential, she may believe that this is going to be a waste of time.

Trust me, I've given guys that look of it's late I should go after touching what seemed to be an inflated third testicle and it's insecurity central. Given a scenario like this, being a shower just seems more favorable.

5. A majority of men are growers

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A majority of men are actually growers or at least claim to be. Therefore, if you are swinging a soft six, you can tell your buds or whatever girl you wanna smash that you bat with a hard nine. And they are more likely to buy it. #Egotrip