Who cares about getting a new TV or laptop on sale this Cyber Monday when there are serious DEALS on expensive sex toys happening at the same time?
A spanking new vibrator is the best (and most rewarding) investment in tech you can make on the world's most over-hyped shopping day. And yet, you don't really hear about all the sweet sales going on...
Because I'm super generous and all about sharing good vibes only, here are all the deals exploding (ha) onto the adult online shopping scene this holiday weekend. Take your orgasmic pick...
LELO: The Louboutin Of Vibrators
Luxury sex toy company LELO is boasting up to 70% off its bestselling buzzers, including the Ina Wave (a rabbit-like vibrator that literally moves back and forth inside you) and the ORA 2, which has a little motorized ball underneath its smooth exterior that simulates oral sex.
(Side note: I highly appreciate the brand's attempt at making Thanksgiving sexy in this video.)
Fifty Shades of GRAVY?! That's genius.
We-Vibe: For Couples Who Come Together
If your friend has ever raved about a "c-shaped vibrator" she used during sex with her guy, she was most likely referring to a We-Vibe. And damn, is it good.
The company's latest innovation, We-Vibe Sync — which comes with a remote control and can also be controlled via an app on your smartphone — will be 20% off on Cyber Monday.
If you're confused AF as to why you would need a vibrator to be controlled by an app, just peep this real quick:
NOW do you get it? Especially you long-distance couples?!
HOT Octopuss: Treats For Him
Hot Octopuss is offering 60% off its PULSE II collection of two "guybrators" — the Pulse II Solo, which is a vibrating sleeve that guys can use to get themselves off, or the Pulse II Duo, which can be worn on a guy during sex for both him and his SO to enjoy.
JimmyJane: Award-Winning Stunners
JimmyJane, another awesomely luxe sex toy company, is taking 50% off every product on their site if you use the promo code "FALL50" at checkout (because they're sweet like that).
You can opt for the Form 5 — a fluttering toy that hits your clitoris and labia at the same time.
Or, if you're still crazy fascinated over the discovery that there are guybrators out there, you can get the latest addition to the scene: Element MS by Sir Richard's masturbation sleeve.
When your guy slides it on, it vibrates against his frenulum (aka, his sweet spot) on the underside of his penis. "Look ma, no hands!"
Babeland: The Mecca Of Sex Toys
If this is your first time buying a sex toy online, I suggest going to the ultimate destination: Babeland.
Not only do they have extensive user reviews on every single product they offer, but they also have gems you can't really find anywhere else, like the Womanizer Delight — a game-changer of a toy that uses suction to send you to O-Town in no time.
Babeland is offering 20% off the highest priced item in your checkout bag (plus free ground shipping on orders over $50) with the promo code 20SAVE.
Now that I've shared all the deals with you, I know EXACTLY what you'll be spending all your hard-earned cash on this weekend.
But, I can guarantee, no one else will enjoy your discounted score as much as you.