We have all been there (well, the vast majority, at least). You break up with your significant other and find yourself in bed, looking at his Facebook, silently crying, while stuffing your face with ice cream. It’s always difficult to lose someone who you thought was your everything only to find out that he wasn’t. After my last breakup, I decided that rather than sulking around, I would get out there and really get after it.
I realize that it is hard to let go of something with which you’ve become familiar. It’s like breaking a bad habit at the drop of the dime. We came into this world alone, so any familiarities to which we have grown accustomed are not necessarily essential to our overall wellbeing. What I mean by this is that at birth, we were completely content without any of the things that come adult life, we come to believe that we need.
It is selfish for us to think that we can be with someone else when we are not at peace with ourselves. When you are in a relationship, you should be able to put your trust in the other person while holding on to theirs — it’s reciprocal. When this stops being true, it’s time to go. Here are some things I did when I turned to run the other way:
1. Go to the gym.
Aesthetics. When you look good, you feel good. Channel all the frustration and anger you had from that failed relationship and take it out on the weights, the elliptical, the yoga mat, etc. Whatever you do to exercise, GO HARD!
If you’re actually putting enough effort in, you will see results in no time. Your visual appeal is definitely one of the best ways to get positive attention from whomever it is you seek it. It’s also a lot easier to get over the past when someone you want to f*ck is checking you out. Now you see, reciprocation.
2. Don’t dwell on the past, focus on the now.
So what, you're single? That’s supposed to be fun, right? It is. Think about all the interesting things, topics, ideas and conversations you can have with all of those beautiful people out there without getting into an argument at the end of the night about some nonsense. If you strive to be happy in the future, you have to be happy now.
You must find something in your life that makes you happy. Then, build on that happiness. Think about what happened; make a conscious decision to move on with your life and be happy with whom you are. Others will always want to be around someone who is confident from within.
3. Focus on who you want to be.
You should be happy that you are now single. Think about how much extra time you have to work on yourself. This might sound a little selfish, but your 20s are definitely a time to establish yourself and your career. All the time you spent in bed, at the park talking about nonsense and going to parties can now be used to improve your own life. Utilize the extra time to further yourself as a human. When you work hard, you reap the benefits.
4. Write down your thoughts and ideas.
After a difficult breakup, it might be hard to carry around all of those draining emotions — so I write mine down. Putting my thoughts on paper has always helped me come to terms with what has happened and to move on from it — almost like a hard drive for my thoughts. It’s almost as if when I turn to the next page of my journal, I am metaphorically turning a page in my book of life. Writing helps me reflect, learn, and grow as a person.
5. Talk to as many people as you can.
Talking to people works because it forces your mind realize how many other fish there are in the sea. When I became single again, I would say, “what’s up” or “hi” to random people, mostly girls. It helped that I had started two new jobs where there were so many new people to meet. Making new friends and building new relationships helps you come to terms with that the fact that one day, you will build another healthy relationship with a lover.
So get out there, and get it. Look at you! You deserve it.
Photo via We Heart It