Girl talk. It's yielded lots of great insight over the years. We share all the crazy, goofy, or just plain stupid things men do around women, all the awkwardness that passes between the sheets, and all the misunderstandings and miscommunications that seem to plague every relationship on earth.
I've learned much from these less-than-confidential chats, and now you will, too. Below are key rules from said chats—along with a few of my own—thrown out here for your benefit. You can thank me later.
Of course everyone has likes and dislikes in their relationships, and there is no way to compile a list of sexual do's and don'ts that every woman would agree with. I also know that most men will read this and ask, “What normal guy does that?” Truth is, nobody is guilty of all of these offenses—but every guy has certainly had his share of moving violations.
This is your chance to make sure you don't have any.
1) Snuggle up: Most women enjoy cuddling. We know you do, too—at least, somewhat. So start spooning, whether it's before or after the deed. It feels great and helps us bond with you. And guess what—that leads to more sex!
2) Study her: She's not just butt, boobs, and—well, you know. Open your eyes and learn her body, including the freckle on her left butt cheek and that teeny scar on her shoulder. Neck kissing can be nice, but switch it up every now and then. Lick her elbow! Take a kissing tour. Every inch, from top to bottom.
3) Can the sheepishness: Don't be ashamed of your body, especially when you are always telling us not to be ashamed of ours. When you make a comment about your mini beer belly it makes us wonder what you are thinking about our little rolls of imperfection.
4) Respond in kind: When you see her putting in some effort—like cracking out the lingerie—take this as a sign that she wants you to put in some effort, too. Follow her lead. Savor and appreciate the moment. We want you to see the lingerie on us, not just on the floor.
5) Trim your nails: Think of where your hands are going and where your feet may end up. And when we say “trim,” we don't mean “chew” ….
6) Whisper in her ear: Say her name. Give suggestions. Whatever you do, don't wheeze. We don't want to hear you gasping for breath. Men's Health has a stamina-building workout for that.
7) Kiss: Kissing makes girls want you. This may seem obvious to you—but then, if it's so obvious why don't you do it?!? We want neither quick pecks nor a complete face-sucking. Meet us in the middle.
8 ) Slow down the pregame show: Give us at least 5 to 10 minutes of foreplay. When she is grabbing at you, it is time to get moving. A proper warm up makes for the best workout, right?
9) Don't leave evidence: Hickeys? We're not 15. It's shocking how many men still do this.
10) Don't cool your junk: I've seen guys stand in front of air conditioners or fans after we've finished and handle their boys. Just … don't.
11) Trim your hair: Some girls may prefer a clean-shaven face, or maybe a little scruff—which can be hot, but painful, too. But no one likes a Neanderthal.
12) Shift on the fly: Don't just run through your go-to moves. Pay attention to what is working and alter your roadmap accordingly. Discuss with her how much control she's she wants and how much of the lead she wants you to take. Also discuss how rough she likes it. Sometimes even the meekest wallflowers want to be thrown around the bed, the floor, the back yard ….
13) Bring it home: Don't ask for permission to come aboard. Don't come up with cute names for it. (One friend dated a guy who called it “put-it-in time.”) Just do it! Even if it is a quickie, make it happen because that makes it more exciting.
14) No play-by-play: We are well aware of what it looks like when you cross the finish line. So please don't give us the gooey details of your record-breaking … productivity. Thanks.
15) Woo us!: The unexpected romantic gestures makes us want you again and again. Sometimes you have a good quick hot romp, and sometimes it is more passionate. Here is a super-quick tip: Lay next to her, look into her eyes, push the hair out of her face and talk to her. It really can be that easy.