Just as people sometimes fall in love, they sometimes fall out of love. It happens. It’s usually no one’s "fault"; it’s that the person who has fallen out of love has come to realize that his or her lover simply isn’t the perfect fit — that something is missing. Sometimes, after getting to know someone well, we become disillusioned.
Sometimes, honestly put, we get bored and feel that we need to find that excitement once more. Falling out of love can’t be helped and can come with almost no warning. It is almost always one-sided and, for that reason, seemingly unfair. But that’s life for you. Luckily for the victims (for lack of a better word), when lovers fall out of love, they tend to hang around for a while to make sure that they are feeling what they are actually feeling and that it isn’t just a passing phase.
Unfortunately, this process often can become drawn out and extraordinarily unpleasant for the passive party. Here are 10 signs that your soon to be ex has fallen out of love with you:
1. Sex becomes mundane, repetitive and uncreative.
Your sex life was once exciting, intense and extremely pleasurable. Now either you or your lover are having a more difficult time achieving orgasm and the whole experience feels like a well practiced routine — no surprises. No more f*cking in the bathroom of the bar or your favorite restaurant. No more pages out of the "Kama Sutra." Your sex life has become strictly textbook missionary and some spooning.
2. Sex becomes less frequent.
What used to be a sex life filled with several quickies and one or two lengthier sessions a day has become a weekly chore. It feels that your partner is only having sex with you because he or she feels that it is expected and required. You always initiate and sometimes you even need to beg.
3. Friends start to take priority.
Just months ago, the two of you couldn’t be separated. Friends were displeased with both of you because they rarely got a chance to spend time with you, but now… now your friends see you more than your boyfriend or girlfriend because he or she is continually choosing to hang with friends instead of you. It’s important to balance relationships with your lover and your friends, but whenever it’s one-sided, it’s a bad sign.
4. The focus has shifted almost entirely off you and on to some other obsession.
You were once your lover's obsession. Now it’s the PS3. Or his/her job. Running. Basketball. Reading. Shopping. Watching TV — any distraction. When your partner is obsessed with a distraction, then he or she is trying to think about anything but you. Sometimes, we need distractions from our lives because we are going through a stressful situation. That situation may not be your relationship, so don’t jump to conclusions without talking about it first. But if it continues after the chat, then there is only one conclusion…
5. Your partner is putting on weight and caring less about appearances.
When you first started dating, he or she put so much effort into getting ready to meet with you. He did his hair, she put on makeup, he ironed his shirt and pants, shaved, and she put on perfume… now you’re not quite sure your partner even bothers to shower. If your partner doesn’t care about how he or she looks when you see each other, then he or she doesn’t care how he or she looks to you. If your partner no longer cares whether or not you find him or her attractive, then this person no longer really cares about you.
6. Your partner has trouble looking you in the eyes.
Remember when the two of you used to stare into each other’s eyes for what seemed like eternity? You’d make love, gazing at each other and sometimes just catch yourselves getting lost in each other’s eyes. Now, now he or she looks away during sex. You’re not even quite sure whether or not he or she is there with you or thinking about something or someone else entirely. When you talk to each other, your partner avoids making eye contact for too long or feels uncomfortable if you stare too long. People know that their eyes are windows into their souls and are afraid that their partners will be able to see the truth.
7. You are the only one that initiates the holding of hands.
It used to come naturally, but now if you don’t go for the hand then you’ll never hold it. You used to hate it when you had to let go, yet it now seems that your lover no longer finds it appealing or necessary.
8. Cuddling loses its comfort.
Cuddling is only good if both parties are in it for the same reason. Cuddling used to be amazing because it allowed you both to feel one with each other — calm and safe. Now your lover tells you that it feels uncomfortable. His arm always seems to fall asleep, she feels that you are giving off too much body heat, or she can’t seem to get comfortable in your arms. Your partner is suddenly no longer a "cuddler."
9. You know something is bothering him/her but he/she refuses to discuss it.
You can see that your partner is unhappy or depressed. He or she may try to hide it, out of courtesy almost. But you can’t shake that feeling — that feeling that your lover is questioning his or her feelings towards you. It's something about the way your lover is acting around you, the silence that seems to have filled the cracks in your relationship, gives you the distinct feeling that this person has fallen out of love with you. Trust your gut. It’s correct 95% of the time when it comes to love.
10. He/she no longer wants to hear about your day.
He used to ask you what you had for lunch, now he couldn’t care less about whether or not you even went to work. It’s not that she tells you that she doesn’t care; it’s just that she no longer seems interested. He or she doesn’t ask you in order to avoid conversation altogether. Your partner no longer cares to share his or her life with you and begins to close up — a big difference from the open book he or she used to be. Information flow is important in a relationship and crucial to love.