Studies About The Benefits Of Sex Make Me Feel Bad For Not Having A Sex Life

If I have to read one more study that tells me people who have sex regularly are healthier and happier, I will seriously lose it.

There are no shortage of studies of the sort circulating the Internet. Usually, they're really obnoxious about it. They'll tell you you "should" be having more sex for X number of reasons. There's this one, which states, "People who have sex frequently (one or two times a week) have significantly higher levels of immunoglobulin A (IgA)."

Then there's this article, titled, "16 Reasons You Should Be Having More Sex, According To Science." The study credits sex for improving general well-being, which includes easing symptoms of depression, lowering blood pressure and helping regulate menstrual cycles.

I take issue with these studies. First of all, I am not having regular sex. Why? Because I am single. I am so single that while my coupled-up friends are spending their evenings going to dinner and having loads of sex afterward, I'm spending them sitting alone in my apartment, eating chocolate while watching episodes of "The Office" I've already seen at least eight times each.

I don't need a study telling me why sex is great. What I need is someone supporting me and my loner lifestyle. What I need is someone to tell me my life isn't pathetic, not that it's so pathetic that it's worth changing entirely.

Secondly, I already know the health benefits of regular sex. So why are you telling me to have more? Don't you think if I could, I would? I mean, to whom are these studies targeted towards, anyway? Couples? Because I'm pretty sure couples are already having regular sex (and your letting them in on all the good it does isn't going to affect how much they have), and single people don't want to hear about the health benefits of something they don't have access to.

Finally, stop telling people what they "should" be doing just because doing that thing yields a remarkable result in its own way. It's tacky. I wouldn't write a piece called "Why Everyone Should Smoke Weed Every Night," but I would write one called "Why I Like To Smoke Weed Every Night" because I know what works for me and my body. And I certainly wouldn't want to impose what works for me onto someone else.

Some people hate weed. Some people can't afford it. And I respect those people's decisions to live life according to their own rules. You should, therefore, respect my decision to stay single and sexless instead of humping some dude I'm not crazy about because those are the only dudes I've met thus far.

Stop making me feel bad about my dry spell. I feel bad enough as it is.

On the real, can someone look into things single women can be doing to make themselves healthier and happier, and publish studies on those things? Like, oh, I don't know, scrapbooking? Or shopping for new makeup? Or anything other than perpetual sexual activity?

Having regular sex isn't an option for me right now or for the foreseeable future, so I'd like some more information about how to be happy on my own. I'm on that self-love grind. Don't shame me just because I haven't found my partner in crime yet.