Moving in with a significant other is a big step. One of the things that couples never consider is how their sex life may change and evolve after living together for some time.
How often should you be having sex? Is that a question that ever runs through your mind? Are you having enough sex? How often do happy couples have sex? Are you a happy couple?
Well, I'm here to tell you there is no right answer. Every couple has different needs and expectations about sex in a relationship.
When my boyfriend and I first started dating, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Like most new relationships, it's the butterflies, the excitement and the unknown that keeps a relationship fun and fresh. We had an incredible sex life, and we couldn't get enough of each other.
Fast-forward one and a half years, and things are still great. We decided to move in together that spring. I had never lived with an SO before, but I wasn't worried. I was excited.
This was going to be great. We were going to get to wake up next to each other every morning, spend our nights together and build a life. While all of these things did happen, the one thing that never crossed my mind was our sex life.
How would our sex life change now that we live together? Well, at first we were having sex every day, but then it started to feel like we were having sex every day just to have sex every day.
In reality, it's just not feasible to expect that every day. We have jobs, friends and the chaos of our day-to-day lives to deal with. We are just not going to be in the mood every single day, and that's OK.
It took a while to realize that it was OK, and that we had to figure out how our sex life would evolve now that we lived together. At first, I felt like I was keeping track. "Has it been four days since we last had sex? Oh, god. OK, we should tonight, then."
It wasn't like I was forcing myself. It was more like I felt guilty if we hadn't had sex in a while. I don't even know why. It's not like I was feeling pressure from my boyfriend. I think it's just the perceived notion that happy couples have lots of sex.
Well, guess what? Some days you've just had a really sh*tty day. You're exhausted, and all you want is some food and your man's arms wrapped around you. Sex is the last thing on your mind.
That is one thing I've really found to be an amazing part of living together; intimacy can be felt in so many other ways besides sex. It is letting a person into your heart and into your life that allows you to feel that connection with him or her.
So, a few months go by, and the feeling guilty/counting the days thing has stopped. I would say we have sex twice, maybe three times a week now, and we are in a perfectly happy, committed relationship.
The amount of sex you are having is specific to you and your partner's needs. Do not feel as though you should be having more or less sex with your live-in partner. I'm just saying to make sure you are both open and communicative with each other about what you want and expect from each other.
Even schedules and life events have a lot to do with influencing your sex life. You may go through times where you're hardly having any sex, and then you may go through times where you feel as though you just met all over again and can't keep your hands off each other.
You learn and grow with your partner as you go through life together, and so does your sex life. It took me and my boyfriend a few months to figure out how the two of us would coexist together, coordinate schedules, etc. It's definitely a big step moving in with an SO, but if you're ready, it's the perfect next step for your blossoming relationship.
I would suggest just talking about it with your partner. It really is not as awkward as you may think. I just asked him if he was happy with our sex life, and if he thought we were having sex enough. (Now, of course, a guy will always say he could have more. But let me tell you, I don't really think they want to have sex every day, either.)
You just have to figure out the right schedule for you. Or maybe there is no schedule, and you just do it whenever you're in the mood. It's important during this trial stage to communicate to each other about whether or not you're satisfied, and if your relationship is heading in the right direction.
We are now almost one year into living together, and I can report we are as happy as ever. Sharing your life with someone is a big, important step, just like sharing your body with someone is.
We are at the point now where I certainly do not keep track of how often or when we have sex. In fact, the other night, we woke up in the middle of the night and started having sex, so that was exciting and different. If things are feeling stale, then change it up. The two of you can grow and evolve together so your sex life never stops changing.