Doctors are incredible people.
They help bring you into the world and keep you healthy, and they save the lives of so many.
I trust, respect and care deeply about many people who work in the medical field, but when it comes to sexual health, many of these professionals brush off its importance.
They tend to focus on keeping people alive, rather than sexuality satisfied.
So, I'm sure these lines that are commonly heard by people recovering from cancer will come as no surprise:
“You shouldn’t be thinking about sex right now. You need to focus on getting better.”
“With time, everything will work out.”
“If you have high self-esteem, everything else will follow.”
While I understand their thinking, a life without touch, sexual pleasure, romantic connection or physical intimacy feels like a life not worth living.
Yes, allowing yourself time to heal is important, but people will always think about sex.
And those recovering from cancer shouldn’t have to wait to be sexually gratified by themselves or their partners.
Whether you have a high libido or are trying to rediscover your desire for intimacy, reading this article will change the way you define and think about sex.
Below are 10 ways to f*ck with cancer.
1. Redefine sex with your partner.
Awaken the sexual energy between you and your partner by creating a new definition of sex.
Before you were diagnosed with cancer, sex with your partner could have meant oral, coitus or anal.
Pick up a piece of paper and a pen, and write down a few alternative ways to interpret sex.
Think touch, massage, spooning, tickling, etc.
What is meaningful to you? What is most important to your partner?
2. Understand your body’s response to arousal will have changed.
So, your body isn’t the same as it was before you were treated for cancer?
I know you miss the old you, but the reality is, the new you will be better than you ever imagined.
Take a few moments each day to do some deep breathing.
Get in touch with your body. Feel your skin with your fingertips.
Take note of what feels good and what other sensations make you cringe.
Take the time to do this every day, and see if you can make yourself orgasm.
Self-pleasure and self-discovery are vital to sexual healing.
3. Do body mapping.
Have your partner draw a map of your body and vice versa.
Include hair, shapes, bumps and lumps. Whatever your partner has, you want to love, embrace and replicate.
Each partner will take the time examining the other’s body.
You'll take note of what feels arousing, how much pressure feels good and how slow or how fast you should touch the other.
You also will note what places are neutral or feel bad when touched.
This exercise will help to enhance your physical relationship with your partner. Like the human body, these maps are ever-changing.
Pleasure points evolve with age and health, so embrace it.
Oh, and by the way, this is an exercise I recommend for all couples to practice, not just cancer patients.
I owe Ramon and Shellie Selove a lot of credit for developing this technique.
4. Experience closeness.
If your libido is low, or you feel like taking a day off from sex, try to remember to take the time to be intimate with your partner.
Intimacy can mean cuddling, hugging, rubbing or massaging
. Supporting each other through the exhausting and difficult times are the most meaningful moments.
They can deepen love and help a relationship thrive.
5. Keep an open mind.
Open your mind to different forms of pleasure.
Try a sexual position, technique or pose you haven’t before.
Discuss your fears and anxieties with your partner, so you can experiment in a gentle and fun way.
6. Some women will suffer from dryness.
For women who are suffering from dryness of their genitals as a result of radiation or surgery, I recommend trying Sliquid Organics Natural lube.
Rub this into your vulva twice a day, and you will notice how fast you feel moisturized.
Your female flower will increase in elasticity and make you vulva better prepared for sex.
7. Do pelvic floor exercises.
Pelvic floor exercises make orgasms feel greater and more intense.
From a young age, women hear about the benefits of doing kegels.
They are told they will enjoy better sex, and they will make it feel better for their partners.
But what about men?
I find many men miss the mark on this important strengthening activity.
It’s pretty amazing what guys can do when they have a strong pelvic floor.
Some guys are able to separate their orgasms from ejaculation by learning how to flex their pelvic floor muscles.
After undergoing various surgeries to treat cancer, many men and women lose their pelvic floor strength.
Try to do anything that will motivate you to experience better sex.
8. Don’t be afraid to use helpful gadgets.
For men: If you're having a having a difficult time maintaining an erection due to treatments, I recommend trying the power pump.
Yes, this a penis pump, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about.
With proper use, the pump will help you to stay erect and ready for sexual activity.
For women: The vulva pump can be used to draw blood into the clitoral structures.
This is an item that must be used extremely carefully, but when used properly, it can be magical.
9. Plan sex.
I know the idea of planning sex sounds awful, but the truth is, this can be really helpful to couples who are having a hard time in the bedroom.
People live busy lives and get caught up in the little things.
All too often, sexologists see people push their sexual troubles aside when they should not.
Give yourself an hour a day to rediscover the sexuality within you and your partner.
It can’t be frustrating, but try to work through it.
Remember to keep that mind open, and embrace your new definition of sex.
10. Practice healthy habits.
Remember to eat healthy, exercise and take care of yourself.
The most important thing one can do is feel sexy.
If you feel sexy, your partner will find you sexy, too.
Feeling confident will help improve and increase orgasms.
Just don’t forget to keep f*cking with cancer.