I am a hopeless romantic who seems to only date guys who are madly in love with their ex-girlfriends.
It has happened on more than enough occasions, and it even turned me into the bitter woman we all fear we'll become.
But then I got old and compassionate, and I figured there has to be a reason every guy I've encountered had some weird attachment to the last woman he dated.
I'm beginning to think I'm here to help others break the vicious “My ex-girlfriend is the only person for me” cycle these men sadistically enjoy.
I understand why people go back to their exes.
You two know each other pretty well, and the both of you would rather be miserable with each other than spend a few minutes alone.
But, you need to be alone if you ever hope to heal.
So here is the cold hard truth for you terminally unique lovers: You can’t remain friends with your ex.
If you ever hope to find a happy ending, you must cut ties with that old flame emotionally, mentally, physically and — God forbid — on social media.
If you still seem to struggle with this concept, here are four reasons you must cut ties with your ex:
1. You two are not friends, so stop trying to be.
I know some argue it’s possible to stay friends with an ex. You can’t.
There is quite the difference between remaining friendly and remaining friends.
Remaining friendly with an ex is when you two run into each other and the meeting is civil.
It’s possible to end a relationship on mutual terms and not be bitter.
However, it’s impossible to move forward with your life if you willingly remind yourself of your ex.
When a relationship ends, the friendship ends as well.
The friendship was in jeopardy the moment you two decided to date.
When you still go out with, call or even follow your ex on social media, you’re forcing yourself always to have his or her memory in your emotional rotation.
In doing so, you are shutting the door on the person who is truly right for you.
You can’t want a happy ending with a fabulous partner while forcing the memory of your ex.
That's not how this sh*t works.
2. You can’t acknowledge why the relationship ended if you never end the relationship.
It seems like the more someone hurts us, the more we want to believe he or she was right person for us.
That's not true.
If someone hurts you, it means it wasn't true love because he or she had the ability to hurt you.
It means your old flame was selfish and didn’t care about you or your relationship.
Instead of crying for years on end because your ex found someone new, you should be constructive with your time and understand why the relationship ended.
Every person we decide to date teaches us a lesson.
It’s essential we understand and appreciate those lessons and apply them to ourselves and our future relationships.
Understanding the disconnect helps us heal faster and discover the kind of people we truly want by our side.
If you continue to stay friends with an ex, you won’t ever have the time to acknowledge and understand why that relationship didn’t work.
Instead, you’ll keep wondering if maybe your ex is the right person, even though a larger part of you knows he or she isn't.
Maybe you’re still friends because you want that person as a backup in case it turns out your perfect person doesn’t exist.
Well, if you keep seeing your ex, you’re never going to find that perfect person.
3. If you repeatedly date the same person, it always yields the same results.
If you've dated and broken up twice, you need to move on.
Sure, the experience may feel different the second time around, but the downfall will feel oddly familiar.
That’s because you can’t keep dating someone you know doesn’t work for you.
Why the hell would you be on-again, off-again with someone?
I can understand that maybe the first time you made a mistake.
Maybe it will work the second time around.
But if it doesn’t work after two tries, then it doesn’t work.
Continuously getting back with your ex is like a game of cat and mouse, except with two stupid people of the same species.
You shouldn’t keep trying to save a dead relationship.
How does that saying go?
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity?
I would agree.
How many times do you need to be scorched by the dragon before you realize the dragon isn’t a great playmate?
4. You can finally have emotional and physical freedom.
After you cut ties with your ex, you will begin to see the world in a much brighter light.
I can’t say it will happen overnight, but within a few weeks, you will feel much better.
You won’t have a constant reminder of your ex, and you sure as hell won’t have the lingering hope that one day, if you remain friends long enough, the relationship will restore itself.
You now have the ability to go about your daily activities without constantly looking at what your ex is doing.
You can meet new people and have new friends who are in no way associated with your former flame.
What are the reasons for staying friends with an ex?
Is it that this person understands you? Not enough if you two are exes.
Is it because he or she supported you? Well, not enough if you two are exes.
Is it because you enjoyed his or her company? Well, clearly not enough if you two are exes.
Are you using the "Well, we had to be long-distance, and the timing wasn’t right" excuse to remain friends with an ex?
It's not a great excuse because if the relationship was meant to work, then the distance wouldn’t have been an issue.
You must cut ties with your ex, especially if you’re in a new relationship.
Your current partner is there to provide you with love and care, not your ex.
After you realize your ex is an ex for a reason, you can then move forward and live the fulfilling life you desire.