Why The More You Look, The Less You Attract The Person You Want

by Macaile Hutt

We live in a world where everyone is constantly onto the next best thing: Finish school, find the job, get the promotion and own the business. Find the guy, put a ring on it and have a bun in the oven by the time the weekend hits.

Sound familiar?

It can be extremely overwhelming to strike a balance between the world's pressure to follow the pack and our inner pressure to follow the beat of our own drums. Due to this constant battle of head, heart and humanity, it’s easy to decide to seek and find whatever it is we want.

This may work (to a certain extent) with education, dreams and potential career paths; however, I am quickly learning this will never work with love.

Being a go-getter is both a blessing and a curse. It’s something I’ve always attributed to being where I am in life, but it’s also why I can’t sit still for more than five minutes without feeling the need to better myself.

I’ve learned that some of the best things in life are worth the wait and that the amount of time we are willing to be patient is proportionate to the value we place on the item in question.

Love has always been one of my top priorities. My education, career, passions, pursuits and dreams are all beginning to align, but something still feels amiss, as I lay my head down at night and wake up alone each morning. This gaping hole has consumed my thoughts regarding nearly everything I do.

Maybe I’ll meet him while perusing apples at the grocery store; I bet Pink Ladies are his favorite, too. I should probably get back into that running group, just in case any hotties have joined. Volunteer at the animal shelter? How cute would it be to bond over a love for saving the strays?

The more I allow such ideas to consume my thoughts, the fewer encounters I have with people with whom I could imagine sharing my future. In fact, the harder I try to find my person, the more I seem to attract the exact opposite of what I want.

I believe in the law of attraction. By this, I simply mean we attract what we put in to the world. Negativity attracts negativity; optimism attracts optimism. But also, desperation only attracts even more desperation.

Have you ever thought about how many happy people you come in contact with when you’re in a happy relationship? It’s absurd!

It’s taken me a long time to learn and understand why this happens, but I believe it's the vibe I put out into the universe. Alternatively, when we go out searching for something or someone, we often attract people who also exude desperate, unfulfilling feelings.

We must find fulfillment within ourselves before we find it within each other. How many times have you heard, “It’ll happen when you least expect it,” or “You won’t find what you want until you stop searching"?

When you stop searching because you’re too busy filling your life with things that make you happy, happiness will find you, too.

It’s in moments that are already filled to the brim with passion and purpose when we meet and connect with individuals who are also passionate and purposeful. These are the kinds of people for whom we had to stop searching in order to find.

Take a deep breath. Find what makes you happy, full of passion and purpose. Find what makes you feel fulfilled. When you believe your life couldn’t be fuller, you will meet someone who fills the spaces you didn’t realize were missing.