Keeping These 5 Minor Secrets From Your Partner Won't Totally Ruin Your Relationship

by Anjali Sareen Nowakowski

OK, so we all know that keeping secrets in relationships is bad, right? Well, yes and no. Most secrets in relationships aren't good — that much is true. If you're not telling your significant other something big about yourself or about your life, your relationship could be headed for trouble.

That said, not all secrets are bad ones. There are certain things you really just don't have to tell your partner — things that won't hurt your relationship. In fact, they may even be better left unsaid.

Here are five things it's actually OK to keep from your significant other:

1. You Don't Particularly Love One Of Your SO's Friends Or Family Members

So you don't really like your significant other's older sister or their best friend from college. If it's not impacting your relationship, however, it's better to keep it to yourself.

There's no reason your partner needs to know if you don't like the people they love and value. We're not talking about Bob from the corner office here, we're talking about people your significant other has known their whole life. People whom it's unlikely they'll ditch just because you don't like them.

It's OK to keep it to yourself if you aren't wild about some of your significant other's friends. Just make sure that your dislike is actually kept to yourself. You might not like them, but you are going to need to be polite and kind to them for your significant other's sake.

2. Someone In Your Life Doesn't Particularly Like Your SO

There's also the reverse situation: where a friend or family member of yours doesn't care for your significant other. If it's not doing anything to affect your relationship, this knowledge is also better kept to yourself, and it won't do anything to harm the relationship if you do so.

If someone in your life isn't crazy about your significant other, that really sucks, but telling your partner about it isn't going to make it better. In fact, it might just make your love turn around and dislike the other person, too. And where does that leave you? Bam. Caught in the middle.

A good strategy here is to let your friend or family member know that while you appreciate that they have a distinct opinion, you are not letting that opinion get in the way of your happiness. Then, keep mum and move on.

3. That Secret Your Friend Told You To Keep

A lot of people might hear "Don't tell anyone..." from their friends and take that to mean "Don't tell anyone... except your significant other." Well, sometimes, that's OK, and sometimes, that's not. Many of us don't want our secrets meant for our besties to be blabbed to their partners as well.

You're not a bad partner if you don't tell your love everything your friends have told you. In fact, not spilling the beans in these situations probably just makes you a better friend. And it indicates to your friends that even though you are attached, you can still be trusted, which they will tremendously appreciate.

Don't worry about not telling your partner everything you've heard from your friends. Some secrets are fine to keep in relationships, and these aren't even your secrets, so go ahead and keep them to yourself with no guilt.

4. The Money You Spent On A Surprise

So normally, in a long-term, committed coupling, like a marriage, you'd check in with your partner when you spend money on big things. Sometimes, even in relationships pre-marriage, both people start to talk about how they spend their money.

And it's usually a good idea to be honest about these things... unless, of course, you just spent a bunch of money on a surprise for your significant other.

Now, I'm not saying blowing the bank when you don't have anything in it is a good idea. But I am saying if you've reasonably spent some dough and are being responsible about prepping a surprise for your significant other, there's no need to share this with them. Because, of course, you'll ruin the surprise!

Be smart about it, but don't worry about keeping something like this a secret from your significant other.

5. The Stupid Thing You Did Today

I'm pretty much the world's biggest klutz. If there is a glass door I can run into or a plate I can drop, I will. My husband knows this about me, and he finds it pretty endearing (thank God).

That said, I don't tell him about every stupid thing I did. We spend our days apart, and if I ran through the long list of idiotic things I did when he got home, I would never stop talking.

It's fine to clue your partner in on the big parts of your day, and it's even fine if you want to tell them about every stupid thing you did. But you don't have to, and you shouldn't feel bad for keeping some of your minor mistakes a secret.

So, there you have it. Don't keep big secrets in your relationship — things like past history, affairs, or anything significant — but for these minor secrets, it's no big deal. Go ahead and stay mum because it won't hurt your relationship.

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