Is there anything more embarrassing than the possibility of being bad at sex? Maybe getting your period and bleeding through your white jeans and onto the white linen restaurant seat on a first date. That's the only situation that comes to mind.
But, honestly, I'd still take that over being bad at sex. Sex is already vulnerable and awkward enough as it is, nobody wants to worry about being bad at it on top of everything else. But that doesn't stop us from all freaking out about it. Even if we know for a fact that we're so good, one question remains: how do we get better?
Well, in an interview with New York Magazine, Nicole Prause, principal investigator at the Sexual Psychophysiology and Affective Neuroscience lab, tells us how to do just that. Nicole explains that despite the fact that none of us want to be "dumb at sex," as she puts it, there really is no such thing.
Seriously. We can all take a deep breath here because, according to Nicole, “there's no such thing as someone who is "good at sex."” But we all know, hopefully from experience, that there is at least such a thing as good sex. So how does that happen? Apparently, it all depends on your partner.
Prause gives a personal example to explain her point, "if you're someone who loves to be pooped on, I'm never going to be a good partner for you. That's just not in my repertoire.” Basically, what she's trying to say is that "good sex" just depends on finding a partner who shares your sexual interests.
And, apparently, this fear of being "dumb at sex" is what's keeping us from building a rapport with our partners and understanding what we're into. We're so afraid of looking stupid that we are too nervous to be honest about what we want and what we want to know more about. Simply put, if you want better sex, be open with your partner.
Prause explains to us that we have to be very clear about what we want. Noises and gestures that don't have any sort of agreed-upon meeting won't cut it. No, you need to go above and beyond.
If you like something they're doing, TELL THEM. And be specific. Tell them exactly what you liked about what they did. As for the stuff you didn't like, talk to your partner after the fact and tell them, in an affectionate tone, what didn't work for you.
So there you have it, folks, the key to being better at sex. YOU'RE WELCOME.