Everything You Want To Say To The Guy Who Never Loved You Like You Wanted
Years have passed now since I told you that I loved you and you didn't love me back. I have been a lot better since -- I've spent the last year or so rebuilding everything that you left broken and scattered since you walked out of my life.
My attention has solely been on developing the best version of myself so I could never be shattered again. I hadn't even thought about you until a picture of you and your new girl came up on my newsfeed through a mutual friend. I have to admit, it was a kick in the gut. After the initial heart-wrenching feeling came and went, I could only find two words to say to you: thank you.
Thank you for passing me by. I look at my life today and I am a far cry from the broken-hearted girl I was. I spent so much of my time seeking your approval to the point where my self-worth was measured by whether or not you could love me.
Desperate, weak and pitiful -- that girl is no longer me. The moment I realized that how I felt about myself was based on how you felt about me, I had to take a deep look in the mirror and find ways to love myself again.
I now have a renewed sense of the world and myself within it. I've done things I wouldn't have done in the comfort of being around you, and I've been liberated from the boundaries of trying to please you. I now only please myself.
Thank you for not letting me waste my time and energy on loving you for longer than I would have -- I've spent it on myself. I wouldn't be where I am today if you had loved me back. I've recharged my heart and my capacity for love.
When the next man comes along, it's not going to be the same. I am only going to give my heart to somebody worthy of giving it to. Somebody who isn't going to shy away from their feelings and be man enough to take responsibility for his actions. I now know how and how not to be treated in a relationship. I now know what is and what is not acceptable in a relationship. I know what my limits are.
Thank you for helping me establish those boundaries. With you, there were none and you abused it.
Thank you for making me resilient. I had to deal with so many of your mixed messages and gestures that I was left emotionally wrecked. You kept me at your own convenience because it was easy for you. I was weak. I allowed myself to become a slave to your every word and action. What once ruined me then would never ruin me now. It seems I've had a change of heart. My heart is resilient and I would never let myself be scarred by the empty words of a boy like you.
In hindsight, I wasn't whole and complete. I was looking for someone to fill my void and you were the most perfectly destructible fit. Thanks to you, I am now whole and complete. I have had the chance to focus on building my career aspirations, my mental, emotional and physical well-being and contentment within myself.
I can say with a smile that I am happy. I'm no longer looking for a filler, fillers are only meant to be temporary. I see that you're happy now. I hope she makes you happy in ways that I never could. It is clearer than ever that we were never meant to be.
Thank you for reminding me.