Why Trying To Save Your Friend From A Bad Relationship Never Works Out
It's hard to stand by when your friend is in an unhealthy relationship, yet she doesn't seem to be doing anything to fix it or end it. We care about our friends and their happiness, which is why it is so difficult to watch them be with someone they constantly fight with.
Why can't your friend see she is in this volatile, tumultuous relationship and that she needs to get out? Should you tell her what you are seeing from an outside perspective looking in on their relationship? Definitely not.
I know you may feel as if you're helping the situation and your friend by voicing your concerns, but unfortunately, more often than not, this will not go in your favor. It is difficult for your friend to accept the issues in her relationship, and she may get defensive if she feels as though you are criticizing her or attacking her relationship. Even if your friend has agreed on many occasions that the person isn't a good fit or the relationship is toxic, it ultimately has to be your friend's own decision to leave.
If she tells her boyfriend you brought up these concerns about their relationship, you will now end up with a target on your back because he is going to feel threatened by you. You might even end up looking like the bad guy, when all you were trying to do was help.
It is not easy to see a friend go through this. It is natural to want to do something and help, especially if you are around the two of them together and have to witness their bickering. When your friend and her man are happy, they are the happiest you've ever seen. But when they are arguing, they say the meanest things to each other with the most hatred you've ever heard.
They break up more times than you can keep track of, but somehow, they always end up back together within the next two days. It's like they never learn from their disagreements, and they keep having the same argument over and over.
You know that saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink?" Well, the same goes for this situation. You can lead your friend in the right direction by being supportive friend, but in the end, it is your friend who needs to decide if she is ready to break up with him for good.
Your friend might be acting like a total idiot with this man, but you just have to let her figure it out for herself. Parents try to stop kids from making the same mistakes they made all the time, but people need to learn these lesson on their own. You can't force people to feel a certain way. It will end up causing more frustration and stress in your life than it will in theirs.
Right now, your friend thinks she is in a passionate, whirlwind, loving relationship, and her decisions are clouded by the illusion she's created in her mind. One minute things are great, and the next, you are driving over to his place to pick up all of your friend's "stuff" because it is "the last time," and the breakup is "for real this time." Trust me, you don't want to be in the middle of this wicked chess game. It will not be fun for you.
Even though you shouldn't get involved necessarily, that does not mean you need to torture yourself with their problems all of the time. If they aren't fun to be around anymore due to the constant fighting or hostility, then don't be. Just because your friend chooses to be with someone does not mean you need to spend time with that person. Your friend should understand and respect that.
You can stay out of their relationship and maintain a friendship with your friend. It is possible. Sure, it is not an ideal situation to have a friend dating someone you despise, but if you're friend is willing to put in the effort to give you the attention you need as a friend, then it can totally work.
So, unfortunately in these kinds of situations, it is really best to just wait it out and let your friend figure it out for herself. Hopefully she does sooner rather than later. Getting involved will only cause you to become a part of a bunch of drama you didn't sign up for.
Unless this guy is abusing your friend in any emotional or physical way, there isn't much you can do or say to end their relationship. You live and learn throughout relationships and friendships, but you can only make decisions for yourself. So, make good ones.