I'm Fine: 4 Ways Those Two Words Are Killing Your Relationship
When your boyfriend asked you what was wrong last night, did you tell him "I'm fine," even though you felt far from it? Yes?
Because he should have known what he did, right? You shouldn't have to tell him some of his comments really hurt your feelings or that he spent too much time on his phone when you were hanging out together. Right? Wrong.
If this is a habit you've developed over the years with your relationships, it's time to break it. Just stop for a second and think about how completely unfair it would be if your boyfriend expected you to be able to read his mind.
This habit that revolves around a mere two words seriously hurts your relationship and it's time for EVERY girl, no matter how hard it may be, to just own up to the reasons she's upset.
Honestly, when I tell you to stop saying, “I'm fine,” I'm really telling you to stop ruining your relationship in a few very big ways:
Communication is one of the — if not the — most important element of a relationship.
It allows you and your SO to express yourselves to one another in a meaningful way and allows you to learn so much more about him or her than you would if you just sat there and stared at each other.
But isn't that kind of what happens when you lie to your boyfriend with an, “I'm fine,” and wait around for him to figure out just exactly why you're not fine?
You completely shut down any kind of healthy conversation when you refuse be honest about how angry you're feeling.
Prolonging The Problem
By now your boyfriend knows that the words, “I'm fine,” are poison, slowly seeping into the space between the two of you.
He'll rack his brain thinking about what he might have done wrong and just end up frustrated because he can't fix the problem if he doesn't know what it is.
Let me say that again: He can't fix the problem if he doesn't know what it is.
It's just like going to a doctor, not telling him any of your symptoms and then sitting around, waiting for him to write you a prescription.
How does your doctor know that the right side of your stomach has been hurting like the dickens for the past two days if you just tell him, “I'm fine?"
You're drawing out both you and your partner's anger and frustration by refusing to speak about the offense he's laid against you.
Encouraging Repeat Offenses
If you want the love of your life to quit doing things that make you mad, you have to tell him what makes you mad.
If you never let him know you feel ignored when the two of you are hanging out with a big group of people, you will always have that issue.
The cycle doesn't stop if you don't put forth the effort to disrupt it.
You probably know exactly what he could do that would make you feel better, and as soon as you stop lying to him and telling him you're fine, he'll be more open to you asking if he could do or say X instead of Y in order to prevent this situation from reoccurring.
Closing Yourself Off
Granted, sometimes it's very difficult for girls to own up to being upset, and it can be very scary to talk about anger.
We close ourselves off when we're mad because it's much easier to talk about why you're happy, why you're sad or to just change the subject completely.
The idea of conflict makes us nervous, the possibility of not being understood is worrisome and sometimes, we even convince ourselves that how we feel doesn't actually matter.
You have to be brave enough to talk. You owe it to you and your boyfriend to work through issues, no matter how small or large they may be.
If completely owning up right away to what's wrong is absolutely horrifying to you, consider using the phrase, “I'm not okay, but I need a few minutes collect my thoughts before I tell you why.”
If you truly make an effort to eliminate the existence of the lie, “I'm fine,” from your relationship, you will actually encourage communication instead of undermining it.
You will shorten the amount of time you feel angry, you will reduce the chance of a repeat offense instead of encouraging it and you will allow yourself to bravely open up to your boyfriend in a way that will ultimately make both of you stronger.