I recently read an article on Elite Daily entitled “Why You Should Never Do Anything Nice For A Girl”. There seems to be an increasing trend in articles, and not necessarily unique to this site, about how courtship is dead and monogamy is no more. So I was compelled to change the tone.
Let me provide some cliff notes on the article in question: the author seems to be a guy who, like many of us, has been burned by a multitude of women. Maybe he even has let it destroy his opinion of the entire gender. His astounding conclusion to the article is as follows:
“It's all about the sluts, escorts, and the girls that have daddy issues. Like the great Jay-Z once said: You know I, thug 'em, fuck 'em, love 'em, leave 'em, cause I don't fucking need 'em. Living and dying by that statement is the only way to live these days- as I'm sure almost every guy in my position can agree.”
Classy. Sorry, Preston Waters, but I can't be one of those guys (who has been in your position) who agrees with you. It should be said that your boy Jay-Z, the model of Big Pimpin', also found a woman he loves and settled down, even after writing those lyrics.
Now maybe I'm biased, coming from a family of strong and loving marriages: my parents have been married for over 30 years and my grandparents have been married for over 60. Perhaps it's because I'm inherently chivalrous and have a reputation for mixing old fashioned values with new school methods.
Or maybe it's just because I understand that each individual human being in this world is different, and judging someone brand new based on the actions of someone in your past is asinine, and dare I say it: immature.
I am not an idealist when it comes to relationships. I spent almost a full decade single and “living the life” in the party scene. I met, spent time with, and dated some of the hottest women I had ever seen in my life. And with many (not all) of these hot women, I suffered, admittedly, the headaches and drama that Mr. Waters so eloquently describes.
The difference is, I recognized the stereotypical “party girl” as just that. Nothing more, nothing less. By simple deductive reasoning, you might realize that if you leave the party scene, you will no longer find party girls. And if these are qualities of party girls, the country club/lounge/book store/coffee shop girls will most likely be different.
They might even, *gasp*, appreciate your chivalry. Remember the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. If you want to find a different type of woman – well, then date a different type of woman.
My belief is that everyone, no matter where they're from or what “scene” they're in, is secretly searching for the same thing. Everyone enjoys companionship, and nobody truly wants to be alone for too long.
Women are so used to being played by guys who are jaded, that each one of us has the special opportunity to be the one who shows them we are not all the same.
I could have bought another car with the money I've “wasted” on dates, and maybe have lived another lifetime with the hours I've spent being Prince Charming for countless girls who really didn't deserve or appreciate it – but you have to find a lot of rocks before you uncover a diamond.
I still open doors, pull out chairs, buy little gifts for no reason. And I always pay for dinner. I knew that if I became more selective about who I treated that way, I would eventually find someone who appreciated it. And guess what - I did.
That girl just so happens to have been in a previous relationshit with some idiot who never treated her right, and instead of letting it break her, she appreciates what I do even more now. And that makes me love doing it all the more.
The way I see it, I am not a gentleman towards women because of who they are. I am a gentleman towards women because of who I am. The fact of the matter is, you never know whose day you will make by simply holding a door, smiling, or saying hello. Good girls are out there in the crowd just like good guys are.
That woman whose spilled coffee you didn't help her clean up because “all girls are the same” could have been your future wife. Too bad you'll never know, because you allow yourself to be defeated by a bunch of egotistical little girls who value swag over substance. There's a woman waiting for YOU to prove that all men are NOT the same. The question is: will you prove her wrong or right?
James Michael Sama | Elite.
Follow James on Twitter: @JamesMSama