Why Every Relationship Should Have One 'Thinker' And One 'Feeler'

by Lauren Martin

People are random and unpredictable. We spend our lives trying to figure them out, to calculate their moves and guess their feelings. Yet, while there will always be a sense of mystery, there are consistencies in the randomness of human behavior.

According to the Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), a questionnaire designed to indicate psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions, there are two rational approaches to how human beings make decisions: being a thinker and being a feeler.

If you look at life’s problems rationally and with calculation, you’re a free thinker. If you put more weight on people’s feelings and reactions, you’re a free feeler.

Some of us apply logic and facts before making a move while some of us can’t do anything until we think of how it’s going to affect us and those around us. Some of us are all about objectivity, and some are all about subjectivity.

And while there is no wrong way, the combination of these two ideas makes for the ideal relationship.

This is less about opposites attract and more about how two different approaches to problems and situations is ideal. Because when one partner is focusing on the hard facts of the situation, the other is focusing on feelings and overall mood of the situation. When one partner is about expressing the hard truth, the other is about expressing a softer, easier to version to swallow.

Relationships are all about balance -- you want a head and a heart.

Thinkers focus on the hard facts of the relationship; feelers focus on gut feelings.

During the beginning of a relationship, thinkers will evaluate the hard facts. They look at their position and the current situation. They evaluate things like free time and current relationship status.

But feelers will go on gut feeling alone. Even if all the facts say this relationship should not happen, they will follow their gut and go after what they want.

If there wasn’t at least one feeler, most secret relationships wouldn’t happen.

Thinkers pick up on external signals that something is wrong; feelers pick up on their partners' signals.

Thinkers go through your Facebook, but feelers look at the changes in your face. Thinkers only notice something is wrong in the relationship when they see definitive proof, like if they watch you flirting or see something sketchy on your phone.

Feelers, however, will know something is wrong before any definitive proof is found. In every healthy relationship, you only want one snoop.

Thinkers try to solve problems with solutions and ideas; feelers follow their feelings.

Thinkers try to find ways to fix problems in the relationship, whether it’s with flowers, chocolates or excessive compliments. Feelers won't try to fix anything until the weird feeling in the pit of their stomach goes away.

That’s why you always have one person sending flowers and the other always receiving them.

Thinkers see what’s wrong first; feelers see what’s right first

Every relationship goes through ups and downs. But if both people are looking at the negative, you may as well call it quits right then and there.

When thinkers look at the bad, feelers still see the good. Feelers can still follow that gut feeling of why you two should still be together, which means your chances of making it are that much higher.

Thinkers view conflict as a natural part of the relationship; feelers see it as a sign that something’s wrong

Thinkers are all about working through the problems and coming up with a solution or settlement. Feelers, however, will see fights as a bigger deal than they need to be and won’t be comfortable until harmony is established once again.

Thinkers confront conflicts with resolution, but feelers run away from them.

Thinkers want to be in charge; feelers want to be liked

Thinkers usually want to exert their dominance while feelers are fine accepting praise and being taken care of.

Thinkers will feel threatened if they are not the caretakers of the relationship while feelers will only feel threatened if they aren’t getting the attention and love they need.

Thinkers want to understand why; feelers want to understand why them

When you break up, thinkers will want to know what happened. They will want a definitive answer as to why the relationship didn’t work out. Was it someone else? Was the sex not good?

Feelers will ask what’s wrong with them. They will want to know exactly what they did to turn you off from them. It’s never about what’s wrong with the relationship, but what’s wrong with them.

Thinkers will look for the truth; Feelers will look for what makes them feel better

Thinkers are not just upfront and honest everyone else, but with themselves.

If something is wrong, they will either fix it or assume the blame. Feelers, on the other hand, don't want to always hear the truth. They’d rather be let down easy and told what they want to hear.