If Your Relationship Stays Label-Less For Too Long, It'll Never Get Serious
I met a guy. That in itself deserves a “Go me!” because finding a guy who is decently worth your time while you're in college is more unlikely than it is to not cry while watching "Marley and Me."
I was, by no means, looking for a boyfriend. I was a senior in college, I had recently fallen out of a relationship with the guy who I'd presumed to be the love of my life and I had (and still have) no idea where my future was taking me. It just didn't seem logical, until it did.
He pursued me, and that is undeniably enough to make any girl swoon. He was sweet, unbelievably kind, extremely handsome, fun to be around and athletic. And if you'd seen his smile, you would've gone against your no-dating policy, too.
He was the first guy who made me forget about my ex-boyfriend, the guy I thought I would never get over. He was the first guy who reminded me that there were other people out there in the world. I knew then that I had finally hit a stroke of luck and found something really special.
I loved being with him, and it was near impossible to not fall for him. But three months after talking every day, waking up to “Good morning, beautiful,” texts, hanging out constantly and a tsunami of “I really like you,” we were still label-less. Originally, I would've been OK with this, but at this stage in our relationship, we were in too deep. I liked him a lot.
Whenever I asked where he saw us going, he seemed to always dance around the answer. I heard it all, from, “I don't want to move too fast” to “I don't see what the rush is,” to “I don't want to spite my ex,” and “We'll end up being long distance.” (It was only two hours, mind you.) I should have known by these several red flags that we weren't on the same page.
So, I fled. I knew what I wanted, and I wasn't getting it from him. Though I was beyond disappointed, I didn't want to waste any more of my time on someone who wasn't willing to commit.
And then he said, “I miss you.” How sweet, right? Yeah, I thought so, too. After laying down an ultimatum (which was my first mistake), I landed myself in an unhealthy relationship from the get-go.
I noticed an almost immediate 360. Suddenly, there were no more “Good morning, beautiful,” texts, and the “I like you” messages seemed to disappear right along with them. Conversations were dull, and there were hour-long gaps between each message. We hung out pretty much only at night, and I was the one doing 80 percent of the invitations.
He wasn't treating me like a girlfriend. And then I realized, it's because he never wanted me to be in the first place.
I went over to his apartment to have a face-to-face conversation about fixable concerns, but it was to no avail. I sat there crying, and I was ignored. I left his apartment upset, and I went two days without hearing from him at all. I had concerns he wasn't in it the way I'd hoped from the beginning, and that conversation verified it all.
There's a huge difference between someone wanting you and not wanting to lose you. The indifference that was shown at the beginning of my concerns was the answer I refused to acknowledge. I wanted to believe he wanted it the way I did and the way he'd led me to believe he did. I now realize that indecision is a decision.
I've realized you can get pretty close to fooling yourself into believing you can be genuinely happy with the wrong person. You can give something your all just to conclude that the "two-way street" you're supposed to be driving on is only being driven in one direction by you.
The bottom line is, you can't force anyone to change. Ladies, I know some of us believe we can change the bad boy, but he'll always be buried deep inside, no matter how hard we convince ourselves our relationships will be the second coming of Chuck and Blair. If you're not happy, then get out.
The number one sign you've made the right decision in ending an unhealthy relationship is feeling a sense of relief. There are no more expectations, no more misunderstandings or miscommunication and no more unhappiness.
I know what I want and what I deserve in a relationship, and I will not settle for anything less. We can't settle for what this generation has deemed “the norm.” If a guy wants you — if he's truly interested in you — he will show it. Don't let the "I miss you" text fool you.