Breakups are almost always hard, regardless of the circumstances. They are messy, they never goes as planned and they can leave a deep sorrow in your heart. You may have grown into a different person, fallen out of love, been deeply hurt or just don't see a future with this person anymore.
Whatever the reason may be, your soon-to-be ex will inevitably be hurt. The pain this person and you will feel is unlike any other pain.
It's as if someone has reached into your chest and ripped your heart out. It sounds cliched, but it's exactly how it feels.
You're forcing someone who may or may not be ready to say goodbye to let you go. Someone who may have planned on having a future with you now has to walk toward uncertainty.
Since we both know it will be difficult, why make it any harder than it needs to be? Don't be an assh*le when breaking up with someone. It will only f*ck you both over in the end, and here are the reasons why:
1. It reflects poorly on you.
Since breakups are typically self-serving, you should be concerned about how you appear during and post-breakup. Unless you were dating some saint of a person, you probably won't come out of the breakup unscathed.
You will undoubtedly have less than ideal things said about you by your ex and his or her friends, either behind your back or to your face. I know I'm very guilty of that.
However, you can do things to mitigate just how bad a picture is painted of you. You can be patient and gentle as your ex cries to you or asks you the biggest question of them all, “Why?” You can answer questions honestly, and you can be transparent about your feelings and your reasons for wanting the relationship to end.
You can have “the talk” in an area where he or she feels comfortable, since that person will be the one who will undoubtedly fall to pieces. Be respectful, gentle and understanding. If you can do those things, you will minimize the number of bad things said both to your face and behind your back.
2. You'll prevent your ex's emotional healing.
The messier the breakup, the longer the clean-up process will be. By lying about your reasons, leading the person on, being indecisive about your decision to end things or just being a complete assh*le, you are only making your ex's healing process all the more difficult.
Honestly, you are making your healing process more difficult as well. You are complicating something that is already complicated. Detaching yourself from another person who was once a big part of your life is never easy, and by doing any of these things, you complicate your ex's understanding of why things transpired the way they did.
You shatter his or her perception of the type of relationship that person believed you two had, and you force him or her to question the feelings you once had. I believe one of the most heartbreaking things is having to question whether or not someone you deeply love loves you back.
Spare your ex the added emotional distress, and don't make your ex question whether or not you loved him or her. It will lead your ex down a deep, dark rabbit hole that only hinders his or her healing process further.
3. At one point, your ex meant a lot to you.
You may not love your ex anymore, but you once did. You may not see a future with that person at this moment, but at one time, you two talked candidly and lovingly about your adventures in the coming years. Your ex occupied a special place in your heart, taught you important lessons, held your hand and stood by your side through both the good and the bad.
Your ex probably made his or her fair share of mistakes, but so did you. For a time, you two were intertwined and wanted nothing but the best for each other. Though you're no longer intertwined, remember that he or she used to mean a lot to you.
Your ex's smile once made you smile, and you couldn't imagine your life without him or her. Though you are now embarking on a new journey without your ex by your side, treat him or her with that same respect you had when you two were together.
Though the breakup will leave a bitter taste in your ex's mouth, don't act in a way that will allow that bitter taste to stay forever. You both need to move on, heal and grow as people and partners. By not being a complete assh*le, you better both of your chances of doing so.