10 Reasons Why Wine Will Always Be Better Than A Boyfriend
Ladies, we all know there is nothing better than a wine-fueled night with your besties.
Whether you're blowing off some steam as you gossip over your favorite reality show or consoling the friend who recently got dumped by that dude you didn't really like anyway, wine is always the right drinking companion.
We all know that the dating world can be rough, but if you do happen to be one of those seemingly perpetually single girls in your group, drink up and do not despair!
Wine is and always will be better than dating — or a boyfriend — could ever be. Don't believe me? Here are ten reasons why.
1. Wine will always make you happy.
Think about the last time you had a glass of the delightful drink known as wine. Maybe it was after a stressful day at work or perhaps it was accompanying your favorite meal.
Regardless of the situation, I bet those first few sips made you exceedingly happy.
The only goal that glass had was to please you. No hidden agenda, no desire to get into your pants at the end of the evening.
When was the last time you went on a date that gave you those same feelings?
2. Wine will always offer you variety.
Last night it was a merlot night. And that was great and exactly what you needed at the time.
But it's a new day, and you really want to sip on something light — even a little girly. Lucky for you, wine comes in multiple types and varieties from all over the world! You never have to settle and be bored.
A bottle of moscato today, maybe some cabernet tomorrow. The possibilities are endless. And that boyfriend you don't have that you so envy? He's the equivalent of that same old merlot every night — over and over. Enjoy the excitement of being single!
3. Wine is there for you when you need it.
Did the barista get your coffee order wrong for the third time this week? Did you lose out on that big promotion to your office enemy at work? Did you try on your favorite jeans only to realize that they are now unfortunately a touch too tight?
No matter the incident, wine will always be there for you in your time of need. Your problems are never too small or superficial. The bottle exists only to listen, reassure, and shower you with the love you desire during your trying time. It doesn't care if you cry or yell or even throw it across the room in anger.
The last guy you dated rolled his eyes whenever you complained about your awful and exhausting first-world problems. But wine never will.
4. Wine accepts you just as you are.
Wine loves that you wear sweatpants more often than real pants.
Wine loves that you can't sing to save your life, but that you still always belt out Disney songs whenever the movies are on TV.
Wine loves that you had a cookie for breakfast and then ordered takeout for dinner instead of going to the gym that same day.
The bottle thinks you have no flaws, and you don't have to change a thing to please that bottle. Wine is a 100 percent judgment-free zone.
Dating on the other hand? Tinder is literally all based on judgment.
5. Wine will never reject you.
Wine will never turn you down for a date or ignore your clever pickup line attempts. Never will you hear it say, "Sorry, babe, this just isn't working out."
It will never tell you it doesn't really want to meet your parents. It will never push you off when you've had one too many drinks at happy hour and just want to sloppily make out.
Wine always says yes to even your most ridiculous requests. The same can't be said for the guy who decided to ghost you after what you thought were three highly successful dates.
6. Wine doesn't have friends or family that you need to impress.
When was the last time wine asked you to attend a friend's birthday party or come to dinner with its parents?
That's right, never.
Wine would never put you in those potentially awkward situations because it loves you too much and knows that you don't do well under pressure. Wine is perfectly content having you all to itself and doesn't need to show you off to its college buddies just to prove it can actually date someone for more than a month.
Plus, your friends and family already love wine. They have for years! No convincing on your end. Everyone wins.
7. Wine doesn't have ex-girlfriends or a shady, hookup-filled past.
When you pick up a bottle or two of wine, you know exactly where it's been.
It hasn't been flirting with every other attractive girl in the room. It hasn't slept with your co-worker's sister or had multiple one-night stands with people whose last names it didn't know.
You don't have to worry about contamination because that cork is sealed in place. You also don't have to worry about wine's old flings showing up on social media and liking everything it posts out of jealousy.
Wine is very open about its past. It says everything you need to know about where it came from right there on the label. No surprises, just honesty. And that honesty tastes delicious.
8. Wine encourages you to express your feelings.
They say that drunk words are sober thoughts, and wine wants you to embrace that saying and live it up to the fullest. You don't have to hold back with wine.
Need a little confidence to get something that has been bothering you off your chest to your roommate? Have a glass of wine. Simply need an excuse to cry? Pop in a romantic movie, pour yourself a glass and let those tears flow!
Wine wants you to do whatever you feel, and if that means staying up until 2 am discussing all the issues you struggled with throughout your teenage years, so be it.
Wine will never say that you are too emotional or not emotional enough. You will never accidentally scare off wine on date number 3 when you talk in depth about how your ex hurt you.
9. Wine will never be jealous when you opt for another beverage.
Wine understands that you have other drink options at your disposal. It will never feel left out or abandoned if you decide on a night out with beer or liquor.
It knows that you are always coming back, and that you love it unconditionally. Wine doesn't need to be convinced that your intentions are true, and it knows that any flirting that may occur is harmless.
Wine trusts you completely — unlike the guy you dated for 6 months who would stalker-text you anytime you went out with the girls.
10. Wine will never ask you to compromise.
Wine will never complain about what you chose to watch on Netflix. It will never start an argument over the restaurant you order pizza from. Wine will never ask you to pick its work party over your friend's going away party. Wine will be supportive of your choices, no matter what.
It won't disagree or passive-aggressively attempt to convince you otherwise. The same can't be said for your live-in ex-boyfriend who simply HAD to have poker nights at your place every week on the night your favorite show was on. That's what DVR is for, babe.
So, the next time you are feeling down about your single status, fill up a glass of wine and remind yourself that this magical concoction is a much more rewarding option than the roller coaster ride that is the dating scene.
After all, wine loves you and only wants the best for you.