In our minds, we have an idea of what we think love is or how we think it ideally should be. We picture it to the extent that when it comes to our real-life experiences with love, it can’t seem to compare to what we had anticipated or hoped for, leaving us disappointed.
For so long, love is something that’s become one of our utmost desires. Many of us may or may not have experienced love or been in love before, but nevertheless, it hasn’t stopped us from placing it on a pedestal.
We see love as picturesque and effortlessly beautiful. There’s some sort of an attraction before we find that special someone.
You care and love for each other; you create precious memories; you open up to one another and share your deepest, darkest secrets. You achieve things together and so the fairytale continues to unfold.
But what we fail to acknowledge in our loved-up thoughts is the raw, real side of love. Perhaps this is why we are so taken by someone early on, and then, as time goes on, things begin to fall apart.
When you start seeing the real side of a person that wasn’t there at the start, you become afraid. You want to be distanced from that person you never knew existed. What we may not take into account is what happens when times are going to really test you, your partner and the relationship.
It’s about finding someone who you know you can be yourself with. While it may sound cliché, try to think deeply about this.
You want to find someone who will be there when you’re at your happiest, but more than that, you want someone who will be there when things are at rock bottom, when you’re struggling to deal with life’s setbacks and struggles, and when you are, perhaps, not in your finest form.
Likewise, you want to find someone for whom you can provide that love and support in return.
We need to take love for what it is. When we find someone, it’s about knowing that we will be embarking upon a journey with this person, including his or her flaws, faults, regrets, mistakes, his or her worst side and our disagreements.
There really is not one perfect or close to perfect person out there, no matter how hard you wish to dispute that. It’s not about entering into a relationship and finding that everything just works.
Sometimes, that’s the beauty of it all, that it may not work, but somehow, the two of you are willing to put in the time, effort and sacrifice to make it so.
There’s a seemingly “ugly” side of love, the one that has the strongest likelihood of holding the relationship together rather than breaking it a part.
The reason being is because the two of you will see a part of each other at your weakest, angriest, most vulnerable, confused, lost, broken, bitter, rude or hateful, but you will still love and feel the same about one another when all is said and done.
We often forget about finding that someone who we will love through the worst and darkest moments. We will continue falling in love with this person, despite his or her flaws constantly unfolding along the journey, and we will still love this person even when love is all he or she has to offer.
Remember, love won’t always bring you what you wanted or had in mind, and realistically, perhaps not every relationship you pour your heart into will survive.
However, you should know that to be with someone, and to potentially find yourself falling for or in love as time goes on, is to know that it’s not meant to be easy.
It’s not meant to flow without any fights, realizations and disagreements. Love, as well as life, won’t always work in a way that you anticipated or hoped, but if it’s bringing you a means of happiness, then does it really matter?
The moments of the relationship that test you the most are the most significant. If you can make it through what could’ve broken it a part, it shows that you and your partner are willing to fight to make it work.
When you really want to be with someone, after having endured what could’ve given you a reason to walk away, you both stayed and proved to one another that you can somehow sort it all out.
It's about seeing all these different sides of the other person, but not letting that be a good enough reason, or reason at all, to walk away.
This isn’t to say that love won’t have its precious, memorable moments. It’s about not being surprised and shocked when we see a part of someone we weren’t expecting or perhaps weren’t used to.
It’s about knowing all the facets of love, not simply that which is romanticized and idealized. Be ready to take on love for all that it is, not just the image you have of it in your mind, thoughts and desires.
Know that to love, or fall for someone, is to be tested. To love is to become familiar with the unknown side of another person – the unfamiliar characteristics and tiny quirks – and to become enamored with him or her unapologetically.
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