5 Questions To Ask Before You Let Someone Who Ghosted You Back In Your Life
Ghosting. It is seriously one of the worst dating trends. While it may not be a new trend, our generation has certainly adopted it as common practice.
Back in the day, ghosting probably occurred frequently. If you ask your parents/grandparents, they may be able to give you an example of a time they stopped calling someone, or in our grandparents' generation, a time when they stopped responding to letters.
But our generation has the blessing and the curse of modern technology. Between Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, etc., there are a million ways to ghost someone. And constantly seeing someone use social media while they completely ignore you can be super painful. That plus read receipts... it is basically guaranteed to be obvious and painful.
In the current dating climate, one thing that "ghosters" have in common is that, more often than not, they will pop up in your life again down the road. It may start as a Snapchat, or an Instagram "like," but when they are ready (or bored), they will reach out.
But that leads to the big question: Should you give them another chance?
My overall advice? NO.
But it's not necessarily that simple. In certain situations, you may want to allow someone a chance to explain. It is possible that the person experienced an illness, a personal tragedy, etc.
You may also want to consider how much time has passed. Was it for a week? A month? A year? It's OK to consider whether someone deserves a second chance, but here are the red flags/questions to ask yourself when making that choice:
1. Why Did They Ghost You?
I recently got ghosted because, at the time, I was dealing with a lot of personal stress that caused me to be anxious and clingy. No matter how hard I tried to explain myself/fix the situation, nothing worked.
In this situation, it's partially my fault because of my behavior. However, I tried so hard to explain myself. And he didn't care in the slightest. That shows a lot about him too. So you've got to ask yourself: "Was this on me? Or on them?"
If the answer is a resounding "them," my verdict is no.
2. Are They Hitting You Up Right After They Broke Up With Someone Else?
This is a HUGE red flag. This implies the person took what they felt was a "better offer" only to come back to you when it didn't work out. This person didn't put you as a priority. So why expect them to do it now?
Unless you can clarify you're more than just a consolation prize or rebound, this is also a no.
3. What Time Of The Night Are They Texting You?
Are there loads of typos, and is it 2 AM? Huge red flags. If the person is drunk, their sober intentions may obviously not be the same. And if you get that "hey, you up?" text late at night, chances are they are just bored or lonely and texted you in the moment.
Unless someone is reaching out to you with a genuine explanation during the waking hours, you're worth more than that.
4. Do They Ghost You On And Off?
Maybe they didn't entirely ghost you. Perhaps they simple do it periodically. Maybe it's a few days or a few weeks, but they end up coming back, just to ghost you again.
This person is not serious about you. They are wishy-washy and most likely playing the field. Don't let them play games with you.
5. Do They Care That They Hurt You?
In my case, I expressed remorse for coming off as clingy and explained my situation. It was obvious that I cared/at least wanted to make things right. I also expressed being totally fine with JUST BEING FRIENDS. But nope, ignored.
If you make it obvious that the ghosting is hurting your feelings/upsetting you, and the person still doesn't care, don't let them back into your life. Again, it shows you are not a priority, and that they don't care about your feelings. And that says a lot about them!
Overall, barring a few exceptions, ghosting is generally the cowardly way out.
For the most part, behind all the half-assed explanation, the person is simple being a jerk. They can't do the kind thing, which is to have a conversation. Even if the conversation is simply to end things once and for all, it provides the other person with a certain amount of closure.
Ghosting leaves people feeling hurt and confused. There may be the occasional exception, but for the most part, you're way better off not letting someone who takes that route back in your life.