3 Things I Asked Myself That Made Me Realize My Ex Was A Waste Of Time
You've cried. You've whined. You've finished a pack of Oreos and a jar of Nutella.
You think you're finally over him. Then, one day, you're going about your life. You're minding your own business, blissfully window shopping for those new Louboutins you definitely can't afford.
Bam: It happens. The man labelled in your phone as "Do Not Call Him" is calling you. You panic. I don't blame you.
The first time my ex called me, I thought he was drunk dialing me. Then, I realized it was 4 pm. Unless he had become the newest member of the "it's 5 'o'clock somewhere" bandwagon, he was calling because he probably needed something. As the conversation progressed, he made it pretty clear that he wanted to meet up. To make a very long and all-too-dramatic story short, I ended up going for drinks with him.
It took me about an hour and a half to get ready when it usually takes me 20 minutes. My makeup was on fleek. My hair looked like I had just jumped out of a Pantene commercial, and my butt looked perfectly plump in my black skinny jeans. I was definitely ready to make my ex realize how majorly he had messed up. I looked damn good, and he was going to regret his mistakes.
As confident as I looked, I was in shambles inside. I loved him with all my heart. This was the man I thought I was going to marry, have babies with and grow old with. I never thought I'd be without him. As strong as I am, it takes a different kind of strength to keep it together when the person you pictured your forever with finally wants you back.
Before I went, I called my best friend for a much-needed pep talk. The advice she gave me actually inspired me to write this article.
"What is it going to take for you to trust him again?" she asked. I sat there and thought about it for a while. "What will it take for me to trust him again, and to let him back in?" I repeatedly asked myself.
"Nothing," I finally concluded.
There wasn't a single thing he could do to win back my trust. Time was the only thing that had helped me mend my broken heart, just as time might be the only thing that can fix our relationship.
He could shoot out hundreds of "I love yous" and "I'm sorrys" my way. He could hit my phone up until I get so tired, I finally pick up. He could show up to every place I go to. Yet, the damage is done. I am in no way enticed to go back.
Maybe in a year, things will be different. Maybe after all those "I love yous" and missed phone calls, I'll begin to believe it. But for now, I'm having a hard time trusting that he suddenly had a revelation and truly is sorry.
If you're anything like me, you've probably asked yourself similar questions or have had the same concerns. Here are the three things you should consider while asking yourself if you can ever trust him again:
1. What will it take for him to prove himself to you?
Is there something concrete you can think of? Is it something he can fix?
It's important to analyze your relationship and think of what aspects you both have to mutually work on. If you can answer "yes" to any or all of my questions, then maybe you should give him a second chance.
2. Do you think people change?
I've always tumbled toward the "no" side of the spectrum. Let me explain.
I think if you're innately a selfish person, you'll never become selfless. You can become less selfish, but you'll never become the opposite. I think the same goes for cheating, or any other aspects relating to trust.
If you're the kind of person who can cheat, I don't think you'll ever become 100 percent loyal. I think you will be for a certain period of time, but given the chance or opportunity, you'll revert back to your old habits.
This is not a science, and I am in no way telling you that my opinion is the only right one. This is simply my opinion. If trust was previously broken, do you think it can be mended?
3. Are you OK with keeping the past in the past?
There is nothing worse (slight exaggeration) than "forgiving" someone, but then constantly reminding him or her of everything he or she ever did wrong during an argument. This brings about resentment, and the last thing you want is for your ex (or possible partner) to resent you.
You need to understand that if you do take him or her back and decide to give him or her the benefit of the doubt, you can't make him or her feel like sh*t every time he or she messes up.
Relationships and breakups are tricky. Just because someone hurt you, you don't want to be an ass and do the same to him or her. Trust is fragile, and once it's broken, it's extremely difficult to get it back.
I do think it is possible. But it requires patience, time, communication and love.
In all matters of the heart, tread lightly, my friends. Because there are some mistakes you can never undo.