First dates are always a little bit uncomfortable because you’re meeting someone new for the first time. Even if it’s not the first time you’ve bumped into each other, it most likely is the first time you’re actually going to get to know each other.
The question is, how do you get to know her? People are almost always on the defensive on first dates; they aren’t super willing to open up to you because they don’t trust you yet, which makes asking some of the more personal questions difficult.
You could ask her if you really want to know the answer, but you aren’t sure if it’s actually okay to.
Thankfully, there's a way to get to know someone on a deep level without forcefully doing so. You just need to know what questions to ask.
Here’s a list of four questions you should ask on your next first date (or on any date, for that matter).
1. What five things are most important to you in this world?
In the grand scheme of the universe, our existence is barely a blink of an eye. But thankfully, we aren’t trying to create stars and galaxies -- we’re just trying to understand how it all works and fits together.
In your lifetime, you’re only going to have enough time to truly pursue and maintain about a handful of passions. And if you want to get to know someone quickly, you’re going to want to first ask what those passions are.
What does he or she feel is most important in life? Is it friends and family? Is it his or her career? Sports? The Kardashians?
If you want to get to know someone, you want to know what he or she spends the most time thinking about, what he or she believes is more important than everything else.
Your list doesn’t need to mirror his or hers, but there should be a few common instances. Most importantly, if you find his or her list to be ridiculous, you know you two aren’t compatible.
2. Are you mainly driven by logic or emotion?
Thoughts are what make humans, human. What we spend the most time thinking about makes us the individuals we are.
But it’s not just what we think about that matters, but also how we think about what we think about. In fact, I’d go so far as to argue that the "how" matters more than the "what."
The first driving force behind our thoughts and actions are our emotions. Our emotions are pure instinct; we developed them before we became human beings.
Of course, as our brains developed and our reasoning became more complex, the emotions themselves became more complex.
Now, there are still individuals who are mainly driven by their emotions, by instinct or with little reasoning, and those who are mainly driven by logic.
If you’re a very logical person, being with someone who is purely driven by emotion may not work. This is not to say he or she can’t learn to be more logical, but whether or not you’re willing to take that chance is up to you.
Either way, it’s good to know how someone thinks before you get in bed with him or her.
3. True or false: All is fair in love and war?
This is an easy way to find out how romantic your date is. I like this question because, depending on the person, you will either get a brief response or you will start a long conversation/debate, which will help you get to know that person better, and quickly.
Essentially, this question asks, if the stakes are high enough, does this person believe he or she should do anything he or she can do to accomplish a goal? Does this person believe all ends justify all means?
Are there limits to what is morally acceptable and what isn’t? Do this person's morals even come into play at all when there is a high likelihood that the morals of the other individuals involved don’t line up with his or hers?
Again, what that person believes and whether or not it lines up with your own beliefs isn’t what matters; what matters is you get to know him or her on a deeper level. And this question will certainly help with that.
4. What do you read?
If he or she answers, “I don’t,” I suggest you pay the tab and get out of there right away.
Kidding. Sort of.
What people read, how often they read, where they get their news from, how they stay up to date on all that’s going on in the world -- all of this is very important to know when getting to know someone.
Some people don’t care about what’s going on across the world. Some are more interested in what body part Justin Bieber had tattooed this week than they are in the possibility of another Cold War. Whether or not that works for you is up to you.
What’s important is you get to know what’s important to other people, how important it is to them, how they entertain themselves and how intelligent they are.
Plus, if you happen to have read some of the same books, papers, essays or news stories, segueing the conversation into a different direction will be a piece of cake.