I once went on a first date with a guy who sent his food back three different times and tweeted about it during the duration of our date. I ended up going on a second date with him anyway.
Why? Because I didn't know what questions to ask myself after a first date to know if a second date was a good idea.
Sometimes, you just hope the second date will be different. Maybe their whole personality will change if we're at a Mexican restaurant instead of an Italian one!
Nope. Unfortunately, that's not usually the case. So here are eight questions you should ask yourself before you decide to go on a second date with that guy, who may or may not have been that great on date one.
1. Were They Nice To The Servers?
This is the biggest red flag. A guy who is disrespectful, condescending, or rude to people in the service industry is not the right guy for you.
If a guy is only respectful to people he thinks he can get something from, then he's an opportunist and mostly likely doesn't have great manners or a good moral compass.
You want a partner with good values, not someone who's gonna be a d*ck to the barista.
2. Did He Talk About Himself The Whole Time?
If so, this is probably a guy who is using dates as therapy sessions.
If it's the first date, I don't need to know about all your struggles at work, about how your ex-girlfriend was crazy (she probably wasn't), or how your parent's divorce during your childhood really affected your ability to love as an adult.
If the guy you're on a date with didn't ask you any questions about yourself during that first coffee or dinner, more than likely, you're not going to encounter anything different on date two. He's just looking for a therapist whom he can also make out with.
3. Did You Guys Laugh?
The ability to laugh together is probably the most important thing for a couple to share.
If you had a great time on a date and were able to laugh and joke with one another at ease, then you should definitely try for round two.
That kind of natural comfort is rare, and you should see where it can go.
4. Did He Check His Phone?
If you're on a date with someone, then they should be giving you their full attention. Unless you are on a date with a doctor who is literally on call, then your guy should not be checking his phone when he is out with you.
If he's liking other people's Instagrams and smashing the like button on Twitter while you guys are trying to have a romantic dinner, then it's probably best not to sign up for date two.
He can just have a relationship with his cell phone — not you.
5. Did You Feel Chemistry?
Chemistry differentiates friendship from romance.
When you hugged, did you feel that tingly feeling? Do you get butterflies when you guys make eye contact for a few seconds too long? Are you excited at the idea of seeing him again?
If so, then it's probably a good idea to see him again, and explore where the relationship goes.
6. Was He Affectionate At All?
If a guy isn't affectionate on a date, he could just be shy or intimidated by you. Those are plausible reasons for no first-date PDA.
But if he made no attempts to show that his intentions where more than friendly, then is it really worth having a second date?
You might want to clarify his intentions before hanging out again, or else you'll fall into that awkward "what's going on here?" territory.
7. Was He A Good Listener?
Or did he stare off into space, most likely imagining you naked — or even worse, his favorite Instagram butt model naked?
A good first date involves an equal balance of speaking and listening. Does he actually hear what you say and ask follow up questions? Does he make eye contact?
If he interrupts you, then this is a bad sign as well. An interrupter doesn't care what you have to say. He just likes the sound of his own voice.
If he's an engaged communicator, then he's passed the test to make it on to date two.
8. Did He Talk About His Ex?
Red flag! Red flag! Red flag!
A guy who talks about his ex during date one is most likely not over her. You are, to put it lightly, a rebound and/or a distraction until they either get back together or he gets over. But the truth is, he has no intentions of committing to you or becoming emotionally vulnerable with you.
You are the girl he will text and spend time with when he's bored, and then, as soon as he gets home, he's going to stalk his ex on social media and talk to his friends about how badly he misses her.
Hard pass! Move on!
So before you commit to that second date at Red Lobster, you might want to ask yourself a few of these questions.