5 Ways To Tell You're The One Putting More Effort Into Your Relationship
Not all relationships are worth saving, so take a step back and reevaluate where you expend your energy. It's just like paying your bills, and it seems pretty useless to pay for something that is hardly beneficial to your overall wellness.
Some relationships can still be great even if you are the one putting too much effort in. If you have the extra energy and time, then why not? If you enjoy the emotional, physical, or social exchange, then you are probably growing as a person from this exchange, even if it is worth a lot of effort.
But, if you find yourself frequently frustrated and exhausted from a relationship, then you need to ask yourself, "Why?"
Why are you the one putting so much effort into the relationship? Don't beat yourself up; you're probably just a more together person, and you can't blame anyone for being emotionally unattached, self-centered and oblivious to standard moral codes of friendship. Take your power back and spend it better elsewhere.
You might be putting too much effort into the relationship if…
1. You always find yourself texting or calling this person first, and you know that if you don't you won't hear from them.
This is a surefire way that the other person communicates “I can take you or leave you in my life.”
Yeah, sure, people are busy, but if you cease all communication and stop having a relationship with this person, then you know they weren't worth your data-usage in the first place. BYE!
2. You change your plans to fit this person's schedule.
It's one thing to be eager to see somebody, but when you recklessly abandon your routine or things you love to do to spend time with this person/do a favor for this person, find a way out of the relationship FAST.
Does this person pressure you to abandon your prior commitments for your sake? This is a giant red-flag waved by someone that doesn't value you or respect you. This is a tricky one because it's often easy to mistake “wanting to spend time with you” for "using you to fill a physical or emotional need."
Now that you think about it... they have never changed their schedule to spend time with you, have they?
3. When there's an emergency, they are not on your call list.
You know you can't always depend on this person because their loyalty seems to fluctuate like the seasons. Despite claims this person “will always have your back,” they never seem to be around when shit hits the fan.
And you don't feel comfortable reaching out because you have given up your power in the relationship by putting in too much effort.
4. This person treats you with disrespect when you spend time together.
The power dynamic has shifted. It went from being a balanced relationship to you trying to salvage something with what you could now consider a stranger.
Maybe it was never balanced. This person initiates arguments with you for silly reasons. This person ignores you or act oblivious to you. They make you feel small, and you no longer feel a closeness.
This often happens in relationships where the power has become unbalanced. There is no longer momentum for this person to continue growing in the friendship because this person has, in some way or another, already gotten what he or she needs from you. They have moved on mentally, so they seem distant despite your attempt to draw him or her back into your social circle.
Distance is the door to exit the relationship.
5. You honestly have no clue what's going on with this person.
You make excuses, feel confused and try to understand reasons why the dynamic is off. Just leave this person alone; a real friend or companion will never leave you confused or worried. They will always fight for your presence in their life, and can sense when something is wrong or weird between you two.
Everyone goes through hard times, and it's a test of true friendship to see who sticks around, so don't abandon the relationship entirely. But, if you can honestly see no reason why, then it's best to give this person space and let him or her come back to you. If this person really cares, he or she will.
And if not, don't worry. Each relationship is unique, but if you recognize these signs in your relationship, then maybe it's time to be your own energy-advisor and cut expenses where you can.
Things happen. Tides change for a reason. Be grateful for your time spent together and remember you must shed the dead leaves from your life in order for new ones to grow!