Why You Should Go After The Person You Think Is 'Out Of Your League'
“They're out of my league.”
No, she's not out of your league. Neither is he, for that matter.
We really need to stop putting people in these categories. These categories were made up who knows when, and they've run our relationships for far too long.
No one is out of your league. There shouldn't be a pool of people in your league, and a different pool of people out of it. There should be one big pool with everyone in it. That just makes sense.
If you see everyone as out of your league, then everyone is an equal challenge. There isn't a distinction between people who you think you can and cannot get. If you see no one as out of your league, then everyone is at the same level. This makes everyone fair game.
By labeling someone as "out of your league," you're limiting yourself. You're also kind of degrading the people who you think are “in your league.”
You're basically saying to them, “You're not hot enough to be out of my league, so I'll try to get with you because my chances of success are higher than they would be if I tried to get with, let's say, that hottie over there.” Uh, no thank you. I'd rather be with someone who actually thinks I'm a prize.
If, for some unknown reason, you can't get over the thought that he or she might be out of your league, at least don't let it stop you from going after him or her. Use this person's perceived unattainability as a driving force, and actually get him or her. Prove your own thoughts wrong.
By going after people who you consider to be too good for you (even though they shouldn't be), you challenge yourself. Boy, do we humans love a good challenge.
We are beings who thrive on overcoming adversity and accomplishing things we never thought possible. If we try to get someone who we never thought would be interested and succeed, think: How amazing would that feeling be?
Of course, there's a chance this person won't go for you. But at least you tried, right? Odds are, your chances of success are higher than your chances of failure.
The issue of “they're out of my league” goes further than limiting yourself and degrading the people who you think are “in your league.” If you see someone as out of your league, chances are, you place him or her on an extremely high pedestal. It should be the other way around, though.
If you're convinced you're not going to pursue this (seemingly) unattainable person, then why are you worshiping him or her? Focus your attention (and your imaginary pedestal) on a person you're genuinely interested in.
Don't place these "more attainable" people on such a high pedestal that they feel they need to be worshipped, but do place them high enough to think they are prizes. The people we date are the people we have feelings for (obviously). These are the ones who we think are great, and we believe they could make us great too.
Instinctively, when we start getting to know these great people and our feelings for them start growing, we place them above other people. We don't only put them above others in the sense that they come before most people. We also believe they are genuinely better than most of the people we know.
Holding people to a higher standard raises your expectations of them. Although that's more pressure on the people who we put on that pedestal, it helps keep us from settling.
Settling is something I think people take too lightly. If you settle for someone, your relationship just kind of plateaus. That's no fun.
By going for people who we think are beyond our reach (and getting them), we can keep the relationship from plateauing. So, when you find that someone who's worth putting on a pedestal, do it.