I'm In A Polyamorous Relationship, And It's The Healthiest Bond I've Ever Had

by Carmel Jones
Bonnin Studio

Can you believe that in 1879, the US Supreme Court officially called multi-partner relationships “odious?"

Well, let me tell you, my polyamorous relationship is far from odious. It's hot, glam and overall the healthiest bond I've ever had. And I'm not alone! There are millions of polyamorous people just in the US.

In case you didn't know, polyamory is different from swinging (where couples enjoy casual sex with other couples) and polygamy (where one man or woman is married to multiple partners, usually for religious reasons).

Polyamory — or being poly — is about being openly romantically involved with more than one person at a time.

Polyamory — or being poly — is about being openly romantically involved with more than one person at a time.

Yes, that means having sex with more than one person (awesome!), but it also means being emotionally there for them, too.

On the street, monogamists can be heard grumbling, “I hardly have time for one partner, let alone more than one!” However, polyamory can help save time.

Call it social capital: In poly relationships, there are more people around to get the job done, whether that means cleaning the house, babysitting or going down on you at the end of a long day.

Yep, that's right. The more people in your relationship, the more likely it is that at least one of them will be down for sex when you are. Also, each of your partners has their own kink, so you don't have to limit yourself to one person's style of hide the salami (or frost the cake, if that's what you're into).

“But the jealousy — you must be wracked with jealousy,” my monogamous friends tell me. But the truth is, I'm not! Well, not totally.

For example, my partner, Kiazad, is the co-worker of my partner, Jeff, but we actually met on our own through OKCupid. Kiazad and I had been spending mucho time together, then he recently went backpacking with Sara, another one of his partners.

The main tenet of polyamory is communication. Kiazad and I scheduled time to talk about any insecurities his trip might be bringing up. He cooked me dinner, and we had an open, meaningful conversation.

Then, I met one-on-one with Sara. I helped her pack, and she helped me pick out a birthday gift for Jeff. (Keeping track of who likes what can get challenging, but luckily there are a few people in the relationship who can help.)

The main tenet of polyamory is communication.

Polyamory is an extension of the free love movement of the '60s, and it's all about equality and radical honesty. That's why another tenet of poly relationships is community rather than co-dependency. Many monogamists watch their social sphere shrink over time, but for me, my network is expansive and ever-growing.

When Kiazad left town, it gave me an excuse to connect with some new friends and potential lovers, as well as have some much needed “me” time. And who doesn't love a little "me" time?

As a poly woman, I am self-possessed, whereas monogamous relationships leave me feeling stunted. I don't know about you, but I need room to grow.

I don't have to limit my relationship expectations because I can find multiple partners to fulfill them. Because of this, no one in the relationship is a burden — everyone offers something unique to the equation. Take Hector, for example: He's the only one of my lovers down for Bikram yoga. (Thanks, Babe!).

At the very least, poly relationships offer a new model for monogamous ones: Communicate openly, stay connected to your community, keep your sex life exciting and make some time for yourself.

When the whole world is at your fingertips, why limit your love to one person?