OK, so maybe you're perfect. You're just bursting at the seams with unwavering self-confidence: morning, noon and night. All day, every day. January through December. You are feeling yourself all year long. Slow clap for you.
No, but really: What are you taking?
I think some of us (read: everyone) could use some of that because the reality is, self-doubt sucks. It blows. But as luck would have it, it's an inevitable part of this thing we call “life.”
We all cope with thinking we suck in varying ways, whether it's jiggling uncontrollably in barre class or having exaggerated monologues in front of the mirror. Even then, there are inevitably days when one inch motions and mirror talk don't get the job done. So, what can we do?
I find that confidence is the key to generally everything in life, whether that's forging a career or developing healthy relationships. I also find that the people we spend our time with deeply affect the way we view ourselves, especially when we kind of hate ourselves. This, my friends, is why it's so incredibly important that your special someone be able to build you up.
I mean, let's just face it: Life is far too short to spend giving sexual favors to someone who's not building you up in his or her spare time. Am I right?
Forget hearing “Have my babies right now,” "Those barre classes are really paying off” or any string of Marvin Gaye lyrics while the SO is nibbling on your ear. (Or maybe keep that going: It seems like a good thing.)
But more importantly, if bae is really bae, he better be dropping these sweet somethings among all the “let's get it on:”
1. “You're amazing at what you do. I believe in you.”
Even if you rock and you know it, you deserve someone to roll over each day -- morning breath and all -- and tell you he believes the sh*t out of you.
You deserve someone to whisper “You can” when you're telling yourself you can't. You deserve for that person to mean it. If that doesn't get you out of bed, what will?
2. “I am so proud of you.”
Did you get a promotion at work today? Are you unemployed, but you finally washed your hair and took the trash out for the first time this week? It doesn't matter which one it is.
You need a significant other who cups your smiling, crying or stress-acne-scorned face and tells you he's proud of you. When you share your life with someone you love, he is bound to witness some of your biggest personal accomplishments.
Sure, it's great when he's excited for you during those times, but you deserve someone who's proud of you for the baby steps too. You deserve someone who celebrates both the big and small wins.
Plus, when you're busy celebrating all the little things, life tends to turn into a party. What could be better than that?
3. “I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”
You should hear some variation of this every single day. It shouldn't be just after you rocked in bed, or after you gave him the perfect birthday gift.
You should hear this on the day you use liquid dish soap in the dishwasher and flood the kitchen. You should hear this after you scrape the car bumper in the mall parking lot. (Oops.)
You should hear this when you're sick, when you're tired and when your hair is so greasy, it looks wet. Because that's life. That's the rest of his life with you.
While I do have faith that you wash your hair more than I'm giving you credit for in this article, you deserve someone who looks forward to every day with you.
Even the greasy ones. Especially the greasy ones.
4. “Babe, just do it.”
Sometimes we get scared, and sometimes we get lazy. Relationships have the tendency to become safe havens.
As nourishing as that security can be, it can actually hinder our self-growth over time. You need a significant other who tells you to reach out of the couple cocoon and just “do it.” Go to that intimidating workout class you've been putting off, submit that article you've been agonizing over and tell your bitchy co-worker how you're really feeling.
You need your person to continuously put a fire under your ass, or at the very least, keep the fire going. All of us have those self-hindering moments that keep us from moving forward, and you need a significant other who can look you square in the eye and tell you to stop f*cking around.
Get serious, do what you do best and do it like no one else can. When you have that kind of support, you have everything.