I've often found myself wondering what is at the core of my attraction to f*cked-up people.
I'm f*cked-up, too -- that's for sure. But what is it that's so exciting about us f*cked-up people? What do we have that draws people to us?
What makes us want people who we know are wrong for us?
Something about those bad guys draws me in. When I was in college, I started seeing a guy who was wrong on so many levels. He had a dark past, tattoos, a motorcycle and bad intentions. The sex was intense, overpowering and mind-blowing. He also had a girlfriend.
But I deluded myself into thinking it would work out somehow. Then he ruined my life and broke my heart.
Still, I kept coming back for more. He was like a heroin habit I couldn't quit. He was so messed up, and he was all I wanted. It took years of recovery and relapses to finally stop myself from going back. He was too f*cked-up to save, too absorbed in the licking of his wounds to try to heal them.
I tore myself away. And f*ck, did it hurt.
Damaged people have a story that everyone wants to unravel. We want to save them and nurture them. But most of all, we want to F*CK THEM. And it's this WANT that overpowers everything else because the most f*cked-up people are the best at f*cking.
F*cked-up people have the darkest demons and need to release them through sex.
Sex is a form of therapy for f*cked-up people. We aren't great at talking about our issues or dealing with them in conventionally healthy ways. It's hard to find someone who can relate to us. We don't want pity. Who would possibly understand the sh*t that lurks in the corners of our pasts?
We don't want anyone to look down on us for what we've been through. We're damaged but not broken. So we work through our issues with sex.
Sex is a tool that we use to face the skeletons tucked tightly away in our proverbial closets. We've been through trauma, and we often respond to the trauma in sexual ways. It's the only way we know how.
F*cked-up people try harder in bed.
When you have low self-esteem, which is an unfortunate byproduct of having a lot of issues, you become addicted to validation. You work harder in bed because you feel like you have something to prove.
This is not something anyone wants to admit; it's just a reality born out of hard times. We f*cked-up people don't feel like we're particularly good at anything of value, so we work hard to be exceptional in bed.
We believe if we can feel sexually good and make someone else feel good in the bedroom, then maybe that person will love us despite the emotional mess.
F*cked-up people are the most experienced.
Part of the reason we're so f*cked-up in the first place is because we started having sex at an early age. I started having sex in my early teens. Sure, it's not PC to say that f*cked-up people who have been f*cking since middle school are better in bed because they've f*cked a lot of people. But I'm not PC. And it's the truth.
F*cked-up people know what they're doing when it comes to sex and partying. It's what we know. It's what we're good at it. It's our art. It's what we use to feel something so we don't have to face reality.
Those f*cked-up people will come in, give you the best orgasms of your life and leave you full of both regret and desire. It feels good to be bad. We don't write the rules. We just break them.
F*cked-up people have fewer boundaries.
F*cked-up people tend to be self-destructive, so we don't have boundaries or limits for what we'll do. And this mentality translates to the bedroom.
Sex with f*cked-up with people will never be vanilla, boring or monotonous. We get off on the taboo sexual fantasies that creep into your mind, and we'll have the kinkiest sex with you. Having sex with a f*cked-up person means you can let your hair down, be yourself and let loose in the bedroom.
We're willing participants in all of your uncivilized sexual plots.
F*cked-up people are intensely passionate.
What makes a f*cked-up person so f*cking good at f*cking is that CRAZY passion.
Normal people with normal backgrounds and normal problems just can't muster that kind of authentic desire. But we can connect on a deeper level. We're in tune with our emotions and can read people's energies. We can read people's bodies to find out what they want.
It's the people who've been through shit who know how to read people.
F*cked-up people will ruin you in the best way.
I was having a conversation with one my close friends about some of the psychos we've both dated. He said, "You see a guy and you think, 'This guy is going to destroy my home, my relationship and my credit. Probably all at once.'"
Basically, f*cked-up people will draw you in, chew you up and spit you out. Our love affairs with them burn with a tireless frenzy and then combust, leaving lives and hearts completely ruined. And we cannot resist that intensely captivating allure, especially in bed.
When we're f*cking them, our mind repels all logic and our emotions take over. We can't resist it, even though we know it's so, so wrong.