The Pain Of Realizing Getting Under Someone Isn't Getting You Over Anyone
It's been said that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. A great love has come to an end, and yet, you're expected to go on as if nothing happened.
The earth still rotates and you live to see another day, but each day is spent dwelling on what's died.
You spend the majority of your time trying to replace him because it's the only way to forget his footprint (as if he could be replaceable).
Overnight, your actions have become frivolous, as the stability that was once there is now gone and men are now interchangeable.
You seek someone on your own volition, but the process is paradoxical. How could looking for someone you didn't even know you were looking for become so difficult?
The man you fell for wasn't someone you sought out, but rather, someone planted in your life by the will of the universe. He was planted in your soul and into your heart.
Gaze upon gaze of reproach is met with each new man, as no one measures up to him and no one even comes close.
All of the faces you encounter when you walk down the street blur into one another; they all start to look the same.
His lips fit together with yours like a lock and key, and the rest of the world would melt away.
But with the others, your mind makes sure it is anywhere, except with them. With the others, something in the way they kiss is always off.
You throw yourself into everything you do and into everyone you meet. But each experience only makes you yearn for him that much more because it's him you wish you were making those magical memories.
It takes all that is in you to hinder yourself from reaching out to him; in this way, insanity breeds composure.
You surprise yourself by managing to stay out of reach, because every lonely moment of solitude that passes is a moment you were not in his thoughts.
He was your most beautiful love. He taught you things you never knew you were capable of knowing.
If only you had known that at the end of it all, he would manifest himself as life's greatest impediment.
"What am I supposed to do?" you ask yourself. Dating just to date has proven to be monotonous and futile, but even so, any moment spent not looking for new love is a moment spent warding off thoughts of him.
You lose breath with every buzzing noise your phone makes, thinking in quiet desperation that maybe this time, it'll be him. Maybe this time, you'll get back what was yours.
It's never him, though, only other ill-fitting suitors.
All you can do is wait because it's also been said that the best kind of love comes when we aren't looking for it. After all, isn't that how you fell for him?
It's this part — the unknown — that is frightening, impossible and dreaded. You don't know whom you'll fall for next, and you don't know when you'll fall at all.
Until the unknown finally becomes known, you'll be consumed by thoughts of him.
Waiting doesn't mean you should stop living. But, you seem to live only half-alive because he took something from you, and you don't know how to get it back.
You took something from him too, though. You can feel it in the air everywhere you go. He's hurting in his own way and he, too, is waiting for a new love.
The waiting is the worst part.