The Pain Of Loving Someone You Should Let Go Of, For The Both Of You

by Paul Hudson

I met a woman once who changed my life. Without her, I couldn’t possibly be the person I am today. That’s what true love does to a person — it changes you and sets your life on a different track.

Some love stories do come with a happy ending, the two spending their lives together, growing old together, and departing this world together. In such instances, the change that they create for each other is clearly visible: without them spending their lives with each other, their lives wouldn’t be what they are.

What I came to learn is that regardless of whether or not you end up spending your lives together, when you find true love, it sticks with you. It changes you and continues to change you as the years go by.

True love can be overwhelming — especially if it’s your first time experiencing it. I remember how incredibly exciting it all was. Every waking moment was filled with loving and pleasant thoughts. The day was brighter. The world, more colorful. Life seemed to be more alive than it had ever been before.

It was the happiest I had been in my life and I am certain that I’m not the only person in the world who recalls a similar experience.

But it wasn't the good times that left that lasting impression. Of course, I continue to revisit all those great memories from time to time… but it wasn’t the laughs and smiles that changed me most. It’s those more painful memories underlining the good times that changed my reality.

They say it’s better to teach with a carrot than a stick. Yet, though you may not be able to teach someone with pain or punishment, when you manage to inflict pain on yourself, you learn rather quickly.

The problem with the pain that comes from true love lost is that it takes time to form, to build upon itself and become realized. You don’t just break your heart and learn your lesson. Heartbreak itself doesn’t live in a single moment — hearts have the ability to chip and break apart almost infinitely.

What good does come from all this unpleasantry is the opportunity you get to learn more about yourself each passing day. As long as you’re honest with yourself — which can often be difficult — you’ll get an incredibly insightful look into the person you have become.

What this thankfully allows for is the chance to begin constructing the person you want to be. Love lost really does show you the real you.

It shows you what you need to work on and improve on before you’re ready to be a part of a loving and committed relationship. As with all great things, however, there comes a catch.

When you decide to change the way you see the world because of a man or woman you loved, the new reality you create for yourself has that individual imbedded in its framework.

Our minds form chains linking cause and effect -- and the life you create for yourself literally ends up hanging on the fact that you were once incredibly in love. Without that love, the joy and pain it made you feel, you couldn’t possibly be the person you are today.

Somehow, while trying to move on with your life, you may find that you’ve managed to make the memory of that past love a permanent fixture.

One that you are forced to look upon indefinitely. You never come out of love unscathed -- no matter how the relationship ends. It’s neither good nor bad, it simply is what it is. All you can do is try and find love again.

You know you need to let your past love go -- for both of your sakes -- and the only way you can possibly do that is to find another love. Your lost love will likely never entirely leave your mind, memories coming to the surface from time to time, but that’s not a bad thing.

The relationship you once had made you the better version of yourself you are today. You loved, you laughed, you cried, you changed your life. You don’t want to ever forget the past that taught you those necessary lessons.

Although it may take time, there is always hope to once again find love. New love has a way of shrouding older, lost loves. One day, that pain will hopefully turn into fond memories you can revisit with a smile and sense of nostalgia.

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