The Pain Of Knowing You Can't Be Together Until You Spend Time Apart
I met the love of my life when I was 15 years old.
Most people call me crazy.
But do you know what's even crazier? We aren't together at the moment.
This is what happens when you meet "the one" at an age when you don't even have the freedom to drive across town by yourself, much less have any type of experience or knowledge about soulmates, love or life in general.
Everything at this age is taken in with wide eyes.
Love is new and fresh, responsibilities are merely labels your parents put on household chores and you really don't know who you are or what you want to be.
We fell in love, as most teenagers do.
It was simple, unplanned and even innocent.
We didn't know we were falling in love because we truly didn't even know what love was.
But, we did.
My god, did we love. We loved with all our might.
Because we grew up together, we grew together like the roots of a tree: twisting and turning together, spiraling deep into the ground.
We knew each other inside and out.
He knew the look I'd give him across the room at a party.
Instantly, he'd be by my side, saying, "Yeah, I want to go home, too."
I kept track of his calendar as if it was my own, reminding him of family events because he never remembered things like that.
We were like a married couple, except we weren't because we were young.
We were too young.
Because we were young, we didn't know what it felt like to be independent.
We didn't know how to sleep without a goodnight text from each other.
We didn't know how to spend a holiday or birthday alone.
We didn't know what it was like to take care of ourselves because we had always helped each other do it.
So, five years after our first kiss, we separated.
It wasn't because we didn't love each other anymore, but because we did.
We broke up because we needed space to become our authentic selves before we could ever be able to come together as one.
Before settling down, we needed to know we could dance with other people at the bar.
We needed to kiss that stranger, even though it meant nothing to us.
We needed to cook our own dinners in complete silence and go to bed without receiving an "I love you" text.
It sucks being apart from the love of your life.
It sucks trying to fill your life with distractions until you are ready to be together again.
It has been the most difficult months of my life without him, but I've also learned a great deal about myself and the type of person I want to be for both him and myself.
People always say you don't know what you've got until it's gone, and the saying has turned out to be incredibly true.
But with this break, I can now be 100 percent certain that when I choose to move forward, I will have experienced enough to know he is the person I want forever.
To love someone from a distance is the ultimate test.
It's hard to go out with friends and pretend to be happy and single while still constantly yearning for him.
It's hard to go through the day's events in your head without being able to share them with him.
It's hard to think of an inside joke from three years ago and not be able to make fun of him.
It's agonizing. It's painful. It's lonely.
But at the end of the day, our decision to break up is for the best.
This is what happens when you meet the love of your life too young.
You must fight and fight for what you think is best, all while overcoming obstacles that seem impossible.
It's believing deep in your heart that no matter where life might lead you, it will always be you and him in the end.