Why Giving Yourself An Orgasm Is The Most Empowering Thing You Can Do


There are many wildly empowering things a girl-creature can do to affirm her individuality and self-worth in this cruel, cold, male-oriented world (I'm not "man-hating" darlings -- I'm simply speaking the truth).

We can dare to speak up when we're the only girls in a business meeting made up of heterosexual, middle-aged men clad in business suits. We can bask in the f*cking awesome glory of our fierce independence as we twist the keys into the lock of the first studio apartment that is our very own.

We can make other girls our allies and friends, not our enemies or competition.

We can delicately say F*CK YOU to the pressing, impossible-to-reach societal standards of "beauty" and instead embrace our unique bodies, personal style and sexual orientation without an utter ounce of apology.

The list of powerful acts of empowering behavior we can actively participate in is as endless as it is awesome.

I love nothing more in this precious life than to feel empowered as f*ck. I've wasted far too much of my short life allowing my self-esteem to be reliant on the validation of others, so I do my very best to perpetually bask in empowering, life-affirming actions.

Allow me to let you in on a little secret: I feel the most empowered when I give myself an orgasm.

That's right, my sweet kittens, my badass girls, my strong women, my fierce ladies and all those who fall anywhere on the female gender spectrum: Nothing reminds me of my impenetrable independence, gorgeous sexual prowess and colorful, creative imagination like giving myself the big, bad O.

We are all born sexual creatures. Our bodies were made to orgasm for a reason, and it has nothing to do with baby-making. It's our badass Mother Nature reminding us that as women, we attain the birthright to feel good as f*ck.

Who doesn't love to come? Who doesn't crave the toe-tingling 30 seconds of mind-blowing, meditative bliss that overcomes the entirety of our beings when we're in the throes of the O?

And you know what I find to be the most beautiful part of masturbation? The stone cold fact that I don't need another person to provide me with an explosive sexual experience. I can do it myself.

After all, no one can do me better than me.

It breaks my heart when I hear that a girl is hesitant to masturbate. I've spoken to a plethora of girls who have expressed to me that they feel ashamed, dirty or just plain wrong when engaging in the art of pleasing themselves. It's so incredibly sad that some girls feel so disconnected from their bodies that they feel inherently uncomfortable to explore them.

If you are one of these girls, a girl who is too timid to please herself, don't fret. I was once completely and totally disconnected from my sexual identity too, and learning that it's okay (in fact, it's AWESOME) to please myself was a key ingredient in helping me come into my sexual own. And it continues to empower me.

It reminds me of how vivid my imagination really is.

As I sift through a busy day, seldom do I have a moment to engage in my colorful imagination.

I'm knee-deep in articles, deeply consumed in the stress of work, freaking out over a crumbling relationship and endless money mishaps. Rarely do I have time to tap into the most creative part of myself -- my imagination.

When I'm masturbating, oh girl, do I fantasize. Before I even realize it, I'm caught up in the throes of an intricate fantasy, dreaming up bodies and kinky scenarios that I've pulled directly from my own fierce mind.

It's a safe time for me to explore my fantasies.

Look, we all have wild sexual fantasies that we wouldn't necessarily bring into the bedroom with a partner.

I personally have had some pretty intense, pretty shocking fantasies overtake me while masturbating, that have surprised the hell out of me. Like wow, where did that come from?

But you know what's f*cking awesome? Masturbation is a supremely safe place for me to explore my sexual weirdness without anyone ever finding out what a kinky freak I really am.

It solidifies my independence.

"I'm so sexually frustrated," I hear my friends endlessly lament over pink cocktails and truffle fries on a girls’ night out on the town.

I get it. Sometimes we just want to feel the crushing weight of another body on top of us. However, being single doesn't completely rob us of having the best orgasms of our entire lives, now does it, sweet kittens?

When I have an orgasm from my very own devices, it reminds me that my sexual pleasure can be satiated entirely by myself. That I don't have to put myself at risk of becoming infected with a pesky STD or suffer through sleeping with an insufferable person, just to get my rocks off.

Oh, I can do it myself (quite well, too).

In fact, I can do a lot of things by myself, and making myself come is just one of many.

It gives me time to figure out how I like to be touched.

How the hell is one supposed to know how they like to be touched unless they touch themselves?

There was a time when I didn't have many orgasms from my sexual partners. This was also a time when I wasn't really basking in the art of the self-induced orgasm.

When I started touching myself, I learned exactly what felt good and what didn't feel good. I learned where all of my trigger points are. I learned exactly what specific spot could drive me crazy and teeming with relentless sexual ecstasy.

Which, in turn…

It makes my sex life a million, trillion times better.

The more I touch myself, the more keyed in I am to my sexuality. The more sexual of a whole being I am.

When I'm more sexually connected to myself, my partner is more sexually connected to me. I'm able to communicate exactly what feels f*cking glorious to me because I know exactly what feels f*cking glorious to me.

The best orgasms I've ever had have been from me.

And no one can ever, ever take that away from me.

So girl. Light some candles. Grab a vibrator. Use your own capable hands. Or get creative and use something as an unlikely sex toy. I don't care what you do (so long as it's clean and safe) or what you use, but make yourself orgasm all night long, and wake up empowered as all hell.