Women have a knack for stopping guys dead in their tracks, and they often do so by uttering just one simple phrase. Typically, our strategy is to "fly under the radar," innocuously suggesting women should “hang out” with us, or that we “get coffee.”
But all too often, the woman comes right back at us with, “Are you asking me out?” Face it: If you're the way I always used to be, you're flat-out paralyzed by this question. Doesn't that just irk you to no end?
I mean, even the most self-respecting guy is typically left flabbergasted. There's no chance of keeping one's interest subtle and one's moves casual when she just throws everything out on the table like that.
We're left wondering (perhaps even aloud) how we're supposed to answer that question. It's a clear “pattern interrupt” to one's mojo.
Why do women do that, and so often, no less? Well, my guess is most of us think they do it with the intention of knocking us off our game.
After all, that's the usual result. It's easy to think that since a woman is complicating the process, she's actively trying to derail us.
At best, we see it as a frustrating “test” of some sort. But at worst, we assume she's already communicating a lack of interest. Yes, if she's demonstrating clearly distasteful body language, that may be the case.
But based on what I've seen, here's what I believe: Nine times out of 10, the woman has found whatever indirect or subtle method you're using to make plans with her just as irksome as you're now finding her inquisitive response to be.
Your subtlety in the name of mitigating potential “rejection” in the moment has only served to confuse her. She can't tell what's really on your mind, so she's forced to come right out and ask.
Think about that for a second. It's not that she has some ulterior motive. She simply wants to know if you're really, seriously asking her out or not.
A subtle variation on the theme is the phrase, “Is this a date?” A woman may ask that question in lieu of, “Are you asking me out?” It may also come up when you're already out with her.
Either way, she's probably asking the question because she isn't sure. Look closely, and you'll see slight confusion (or even tentative excitement) written all over her face. You won't see disgust.
Add all of this up, and the reality of the situation is crystal clear. You have to pick one road or the other.
Do you want to continue operating beneath a shroud of confusion while making plans with women, thereby dreading “the question” in whatever form it comes in? Or, would you rather not have to deal with the awkwardness of that moment ever again?
If it's the latter, there's an all-conquering solution: boldness. If you've been hearing, “Are you asking me out?” from time to time, it's because one (or both) of you is too timid to be straight-up about your intentions.
Remember: It's not beyond the realm of possibility that the woman is a bit overwhelmed by the idea of you being interested in her. In other words, maybe she's asking the question because it all seems too good to be true. Is your self-image strong enough to accept that distinct possibility?
To be honest, most of the time, she's simply reacting to our own tentative leadership. Few guys seem to have the balls to clearly tell a woman they like her, are interested in her and would like to see her on Thursday night at 7 pm.
But no matter what the psychological reasons are for a woman wondering aloud if you're asking her out, your response should be the same. You definitely want to deliver a bold, resolute and affirmative answer when you're called out.
A calm, cool, collected “yes” is all you need. In fact, the more you try to elaborate or defend yourself, the worse off you'll be. You'll only come off as unsure about yourself.
You don't want to backpedal, let alone back off completely. You've already come this far. Why destroy the opportunity altogether, especially if she's actually excited to go out with you?
The next time you're confronted with the scenario we're discussing here, I invite you to go ahead, jump off the ledge and confirm your intentions toward her with a solid “yes.” Not only can I assure you that “the question” is almost always a good sign, but you'll also feel terrific when she gets excited to make plans with you. There's nothing better than boldly going for what you want and having a woman respond powerfully to it.