How I Learned The 'Okay' Guy Will Never Be The Man Of My Dreams
We’ve all been there: He’s nice enough, cute enough, smart enough, fun enough… but somehow, he’s not enough. There’s no spark and no chemistry. Or, maybe, there’s too much spark, too much chemistry and no depth.
Whatever it is, you’ve found yourself with an okay guy. Congratulations.
My girlfriends will tell you I am the queen of the “he’s okay” line. The guys I date are not mean or bad people, but eventually, they annoy the sh*t out of me. I find myself in this situation consistently, with all different guys who are somehow seemingly the same.
It doesn’t help that all of my close friends and three siblings are either married or headed that way. Dating often seems like the right thing to do because it's best to have someone on deck to bring to family events. It's easier to have a built-in excuse to sit out the Friday night bar scene.
But, that’s completely ridiculous, right? Just because it’s easier? No reason in the world is good enough to justify allowing an "okay" person to hang around. I don’t see myself as just an okay person, so why would I date a guy who falls into that category?
It’s quite simple: We see what our peers have, and we think that’s what we should have, too. It could be anything -- money, clothing, job, travel budget, car, boyfriend, girlfriend; it doesn’t matter.
Whether it's truly what we want or what we believe would be good for us doesn’t matter, either. It’s just that we see other people wanting it and other people having it.
It's like, somehow, all of our lives need to be the same. Blame the media or social media or whomever else you want, but ultimately, it’s our choice just to check a box because everyone else does.
Recently, after a particularly lame date with yet another okay guy, a good friend asked me if I would want a relationship if no one else in my life had one. My mind answered before my mouth could: "No, absolutely not."
I don’t want to have to ask someone before I make weekend plans. I’m busy! I don’t want to base my next move on whether someone else wants to make it, too. I prefer to pack light. I don’t want to share my bed with someone. Where would my laundry go?
While my attitude would certainly change for the right guy, freedom can and should trump each and every okay guy.
Our lives aren’t movies; the guys who seem to be just okay ARE just okay. They aren’t Superman in Clark Kent’s clothes. Trust someone who has learned this the hard way.
Until that amazing, heart-stopping guy does come around, I’m writing this not only to hopefully help others internalize the message, but also to internalize it myself.
In the past few months, I’ve gotten much better at heeding my own advice. As soon as those fateful words start to form in my mind, I immediately break it off, or make sure not to start anything, with whichever okay guy is currently in the picture.
How? I focus on other things. Our lives are full of other things: our careers, our pets, our friends, our hobbies, our families, our dreams, our aspirations… All of these things are far from mediocre. They’re wonderful, inspirational and transformative.
Against all that, what chance does an okay guy stand?