Is It Okay To Let A Guy Buy You A Drink And Not Sleep With Him?

by Lauren Martin

The paradox of life really does start and end with women at the club. It's the ultimate lose-lose: if you sleep with him you're a hoe, if you don't sleep with him you're a tease. So when you're at the club and a man offers to buy you a drink, is it really just a drink? If you let a man buy you something, does that mean he expects something in return? If you accept a free drink, does that mean you're willing to give him something?

To men, buying a woman a drink means putting down an investment. They are acknowledging that they are willing to pay for you to get drunk enough to sleep with them. They are also treating you like a prostitute, as in they are paying you indirectly to have sex with them. If you are old enough to be in the club, then you are old enough to know that a drink is not just a drink.

Women know all the strings that come attached to a simple vodka tonic, many times making women not want anything at all. But when you're in the club and a vodka is twelve dollars, having a man foot the bill is always nice and I'll be damned next time I give up a free one. But does that mean you have to sleep with him now? Does it mean you have to talk to him? What's the statute of limitation that comes with one drink? Two drinks?

One drink means one conversation. When a guy buys you a drink, it gives him the in, the ability to stand next to you, the shot to prove himself. He has that drink, or at least the time from when he orders it until you get it, to make you like him enough to stick around. And if you're not into it, at least you gave him a fair shot. But what about two drinks?

When a man buys you that second drink, it's another story. You have willingly stuck around through the first and given him enough hope to drop another $12 on the second. Now you are approaching the territory of letting him take you home. But what if you're just in it for the free drinks? What if you've been screwed over enough by guys that you think you deserve these drinks, for nothing in return?

This is where it gets complicated. Is it right to use your advantages of being a woman to get free stuff? Is it okay to flirt with a man to get what you want? There's many directions this debate could go, but ultimately if you are a strong, independent woman, you shouldn't want to use your sexuality to get things bought for you -- because then you are no better than the men who are trying to control us.

But what's wrong with getting stuff for free? What's wrong with having men spend forty bucks on drinks then leaving them high and dry? If anything it's getting back at men for all the sh*t they do to women, right? Well, that's good in theory, but the guy who is buying you a drink may not be one of those guys who likes to screw over women. You can't automatically assume he's a d*ck just because he's a man. There are some good ones too.

What it really boils down to is, don't let a man buy you a drink if you know you aren't interested. The sad truth is, drinks do lead to sex. Being wined and dined is ultimately the path to sex, and nothing is wrong with that. But if you are letting a guy who has absolutely no shot drop bills on you, then you're just mean. Letting any man buy you a single drink is okay, because it's your formal invitation to converse. It's how they meet you. But if you've finished that first drink and you're still not into it, let him go.

As for the men who you let buy you two drinks, that's up to you. There are really no rules or advice I can give when telling you if you should go home with a man. Hopefully, we live in a society in which women should be able to express themselves sexually, and not be judged. But if you are letting a man buy you drinks at the club, you should know that he expects you to return the favor and continuing with the cocktails only entangles you more in his plan. If you don't want to have sex with him, then walk away. Thank him for his generosity and offer him your number -- at least he gets something.

But don't be a tease. You don't need six drinks either way, it's bad for you. So take a free drink anytime, but just know that even though there is absolutely no instance in which you are required to have sex, using a man for drinks is willingly engaging in a sort of sexual contract, and breaking that contract can be just a bad as getting into it.

Photo credit: Kirill Was Here, click here to check out his awesome photos.