Why 'It's Not You, It's Me' Is A Totally Legit Reason To Break Up
It's probably the biggest breakup cliché in the whole world. No one likes to hear it and when it's said, it sounds like a load of crap:
It's not you, it's me.
While it can be a total load of crap and the person saying it is just trying to get out of the relationship cleanly without hurting anyone's feelings, sometimes, it's genuine.
Sometimes, there is no reason to break up with someone besides the fact that he or she just doesn't do it for you. There's nothing wrong with the person, it just wasn't a match.
And, there's nothing wrong with that, as clearly, not everyone is a match. It's not a personal slight against anyone; it's just a fact of life.
A few months ago, I participated in an experiment for a magazine called "The Undateables." It put together two people who embody certain qualities they each, respectively, deem deal-breakers.
I went on a date with a girl who deemed herself "undateable," and it went quite well. There weren't any sparks for me, but it wasn't a horrible date.
She was a nice person with whom I enjoyed talking, and I had a great time. But, when I let her know I wasn't that into her, she got very defensive.
Why? Was it something I did? Was it me?
No! It wasn't! She was a lovely person and there was no reason why anyone wouldn't want to date her. But, for some reason, she just didn't do it for me.
I don't think she'll never find love or another relationship in her life; I just wasn't into it. That's not an indictment on her, but rather, just a fact of life we should all admit to ourselves: We aren't for everyone.
It's a totally mature notion; what's super immature is to think we ARE for everybody and no one should have a problem dating us. That's crazy.
Some people just don't mesh well; it's not because one person is a sh*tty guy or girl, but just that he or she isn't a good match.
Plus, there could be underlying factors that may have evaded your consideration. Maybe this person is dealing with many personal issues. Maybe he or she just isn't ready for a relationship. Maybe he or she has a dark secret.
None of that has anything to do with you, and just underscores that the other party isn't ready or stable enough for a relationship at that time. It's unfortunate, yes, but you shouldn't take it as a personal affront.
I deal with a lot in my life. I have a job; I'm an aspiring comedian; I try to go to the gym as much as possible, and I also like try to have a social life in the limited free time I have. That's a very time-consuming lifestyle.
I'm also a pretty huge introvert, so going to big parties stresses me out and fills me with a lot of anxiety. Sometimes, I like to just go home and relax. In many relationships, though, that isn't a viable option.
If I've been stressed after I get off of work every night during a week, I'll feel pretty swamped and will likely just want to go home and relax.
I won't want to talk to anyone, but will just want to sit in my room and watch stupid YouTube videos. When you are in a relationship, there is a demand to spend time with another person. Sometimes, when I'm out of it, I don't want to meet that demand.
That doesn't mean the person I am dating is bad or undateable. Rather, it just means I need some time to myself.
But, when that time to myself becomes rarer and rarer, it gets pretty easy to become wiped out, drained of all energy and just not fun to be around. I understand that. Sometimes, I am not fun to be around, either. That's a "me" problem, not a "you" problem.
So, again, I don't understand why the notion of "it's not you, it's me" is so vilified.
The people who say it are just "using a line" to get out of a relationship. It's not just a line — a lot of the time, it's the truth.
Often, people wish they could continue their relationships with their significant others, but something is holding them back, rendering them unable to do so. We, as a society, need to accept this.
But, we also need to accept that we need to come up with another way to say, "It's not you, it's me" because if you say that in a break-up scenario, get ready for a lot of backlash.