It's amazing how finding yourself in a new relationship can make you wonder if you can or can't do something. After how many dates are you allowed to tell the person you miss him or her? At what point do you hint you want to be committed?
Things that were once taken for granted in a previous relationship must be relearned in this new and fresh one. It's almost like an unspoken rule or understanding. Yet, there are times when one partner will want the other to know something, but the person will never express how he or she feels.
Recently, I found myself relearning the art of relationship-ing. By relearning “the art of the relationship,” I realized there is always one person in the relationship who will never admit, fess up or share when he or she wants or needs something. What are these often trivial, but significant needs or wants we have, but are too afraid to admit to?
Here are some of mine:
It's amazing how far a compliment can go. It doesn't matter whether this person noticed your new haircut, or just told you that you brighten his or her day. A compliment works wonders.
The things is, though, while one partner may give compliments more than the other, both should make an effort. Your partner will never explicitly point out he or she just got a fresh trim, or that he or she is wearing a new shirt for you. It would be too much for your partner's ego to seek this out. So, a compliment here and there wouldn't hurt.
In my previous relationships, I've encouraged my girlfriends to be themselves, no matter how quirky or odd they may have thought they were. I loved them for who they were. However, I found that sometimes, they didn't return the favor.
Encourage your SOs to be themselves, flaws and all. Maybe your bae has a shirt he likes to wear on game days, but he refuses to wash it. Let him wear that shirt anyway. Maybe your SO likes to drink straight from the milk carton. Don't get upset or scold her. Accept that she may still be adjusting to having to share her milk with someone.
If your partner is willing to love you and look past your flaws, do the same.
I have a lot of guy friends tell me they'll never admit to their plus-ones that they love to be the little spoon. While I enjoy being the big spoon, I wouldn't mind if for one night, my partner took the first step to spoon me before I spooned her. But, I'll never admit this.
4. No Flings
Commitment is about making the move to invest one's time and energy into only one person. You'd better believe we'e not seeing a person as just a booty call or fling when we want a relationship. It is understandable that it is intimidating to bring up commitment, which is why most people don't. They wait and hope the other person will bring it up first.
Trying to find a movie to "Netflix and chill" to? One partner will sometimes just leave it up to his or her SO to pick a movie. Why?
Chances are, we don't mind you picking the latest chick flick or the latest Nicholas Sparks book-turned-movie. Sometimes, we will want that mushy, lovey-dovey movie. Sometimes, we will just want to show our sensitive sides without judgment. But, we should be honest.
6. Dressing To The Nines
No matter what, a girl will always look amazing to her SO. Whether she's rocking Lululemon leggings or wearing your oversized sweater, your girl will always want to look beautiful.
But sometimes, guys like to dress up and hit the town with their SOs. A guy will want to get dressed in that new shirt, show off his new cologne or just show the world how lucky he is to have scored someone as beautiful as his partner.
7. Being With You
A key aspect regarding relationships is maintaining your individuality and having your own lives. But, that doesn't mean your SO isn't going to want to spend time with you.
Sometimes, we just want to be in the same room as you because we are completely and utterly in love. Sometimes, just being with one another is enough.
I'll admit that when I get a text from someone I like, I get all giddy and happy. This is true for many.
Sometimes, we just want to know we aren't the only ones in the relationship thinking about the other person. Sometimes, we want to know you are also thinking of us.
Sometimes, it may feel like one partner is constantly the first to initiate conversation. Partners, sending the first text will give your SO the same feeling you get when he or she messages you first thing in the morning or late at night.
9. "I miss you."
These three words are just as nerve-racking as saying that other three-word phrase. Many of us will struggle to say these words, whether it's via text or in person. We never want to come across as needy. But sometimes, we just genuinely miss you.
Relationships can be hard enough. Sometimes, it's easier to just ask for what you want. A good partner will give it to you.