Why You Should Never Be With Someone You Think You Need

by Gloria L.

Now, you might be thinking, "What is this girl saying? Why shouldn't I be with someone I need?" I'll tell you why: A significant other should be a person who complements you, not completes you.

A great many people in relationships get so caught up with their significant others, they begin to lose sight of who they were before they were in committed relationships. But, that's not what a relationship is meant for.

I suppose relationships are kind of like riding bikes: We all grow up watching others ride bikes, which makes us want to get in on the action; we learn how to ride bikes by watching others and then by learning on our own.

The bike is a metaphor for your life: You are fully capable of taking control of it; you go where you please, at whatever pace you please. But, every so often, you reach a bumpy road or you lose balance -- this is where your significant other comes into play.

A partner is like your handy-dandy set of training wheels. You've had training wheels before, maybe even a few sets. But, now that you are capable of riding a bike without help, you keep your current set in hand, just in case you want to take a ride with them on.

Now, listen up: You don't need these training wheels, but you do want them. Maybe these training wheels are beautiful and have a great personality, to boot!

You are fully capable of conquering some bumpy roads, but you choose to put on a set of training wheels. Why? They're reliable; they give you a sense of comfort and help you through twisty roads, similar to the ones you are facing this very moment.

Relationships should be like this bike-and-training-wheels concept.

You don't need a significant other; you shouldn't need anyone, really. But, if you choose to have someone, make sure you don't get lost in the relationship.

Don't allow yourself to need a person; a significant other should simply be there, right by your side to enjoy this crazy fun ride we call life and help you get through dark times, which you are fully capable of getting through on your own. It's just nice to have a support system for when things get a little rough.

Some of you might be thinking, "Well, I don't need my boyfriend or girlfriend for everything, just a few things here and there. Who else is going to help me get through this loss or this bad day?"

Think about it this way: Wouldn't you want to be able to get over life's humps without the help of anyone else?

How would you overcome strife if you didn't have this person in your life? Life throws crazy curveballs at everyone, so it only makes sense we have the innate ability and strength to get past them ourselves.

Every obstacle offers a lesson — a lesson meant to create strength and wisdom for you.

So, if you ever find yourself telling your boyfriend or girlfriend, "I need you," take some time out of your life and ask yourself, "Why do I need this person? What can he/she do for me that I can't do for myself?"

Once you are able to answer those questions, make it your goal to be enough for yourself. Once you can fulfill your own needs and create your own happiness without the help of anyone else, you can truly start to create happiness with another person.

I guess you can call me an advocate of believing in yourself, and my question to you is why not?

Essentially, as humans, we're taught to be self-sufficient. So, why lose those standards to someone else? There are no good reasons out there that can justify why a once-independent person has lost his or her ability to be self-fulfilled.

Being with someone is about witnessing his or her success and letting him or her share in your happiness. Never let yourself believe you need someone else to be "good enough" because only you can define what's "good enough" for you.

I'm not trying to bash relationships -- I love love. But, I am a firm supporter of self-sufficiency.

People need to be able to achieve their dreams and conquer their struggles without depending on another. But, if there is a special someone, he or she should be there for the sole reason of offering support or comfort.

Sharing failures and successes can be a beautiful thing, but remember, you, alone, can overcome the storm and you, alone, can achieve your goals. Don't be with someone you need. Be with someone who motivates you, supports you and loves you for the way you are.

So, go ride that bike and remember, those training wheels don't define you, they just complement your riding style (not that there's anything wrong with the way you bike)!