I visited my college roommate in San Diego a few weeks ago, and as we were chatting over a glass of wine, we reminisced over all the fun we had in our four years of school.
In that moment, we realized we had first met in our dorm room 10 years ago. Apparently, what I hadn't realized was that I wasn't 18 anymore.
I had fallen back into my college drinking habits. When my bestie and I get together, it's a serious throwback. Drinking together is familiar and comfortable, and without even noticing it, I return to that old habit.
Of course, this was all in good fun. But I started to consider what other parts of my life could potentially be taken over by old habits.
The next morning, we talked about how much fun we had, and I shared my thoughts.
After some discussion, I came to realize that the worst thing I could ever do is get back with my ex. It was an unfortunate relationship for many reasons, and starting things up again would be detrimental to my health and happiness.
Regardless, sometimes I miss him. Usually, it's after a really sh*tty date with a dude who did or said something ridiculous. I immediately start to compare, and I find myself wishing I were back with my ex, instead of sitting across the table from a moron.
Then, I begin to wonder what things would be like if we did get back together.
Has he changed? Would things be better? Would he actually appreciate me this time around?
The thought of him is familiar and safe, and it causes all the sweet memories to resurface.
But I snap out of it, and then I remember these seven things:
1. An ex is an ex for a reason.
You made the choice to walk away from the relationship. Regardless of the reason, you removed someone you loved from your life, and it takes a lot of courage to break someone's heart.
2. You both still have issues.
Breakups usually occur because of a disagreement over something fundamental, such as family, character, trust, respect, communication, etc.
These things are most likely still issues. If you couldn't work it out the first time around, you probably won't be able to the second, third or fourth time.
3. People don't change.
When I was growing up, my father always said people don't change. I didn't believe him, but I've now experienced it first-hand.
Sometimes, one's behavior can change, but you can never change who someone fundamentally is.
4. We make mistakes in order to learn from them.
The point of mistakes is to learn from them. Don't repeat history.
If you already know it won't work, why invest more time? Focus on what's working in your life, and stay positive.
5. Just because it's familiar doesn't mean it's right.
Exes are familiar territory, and sometimes it's scary to not know what the f*ck is coming next. Just remember it's the fear talking.
Run into the unknown, and be inspired. I promise you will discover things about yourself you never thought possible. Do not limit yourself to the past.
6. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Seriously, just swipe right on Tinder. There are plenty of people out there.
I'm not saying everyone on Tinder is perfect, but there are so many single people looking to find their beaus. You will find your special someone, and it will be an easy, fun and absolutely beautiful experience.
7. You deserve better.
Obviously, your ex wasn't good to you. Never settle for less.
You deserve the absolute best, so aim for the stars. I know real life isn't like a Disney fairytale, but I think every single person deserves a happily ever after.