I recently received a message from an old friend. She was in need of some dating guidance. For some odd reason, she was coming to me.
“How do you move on from someone you are in love with?” She asked, in an honest and despairing manner. “You always have the best dating advice,” she added on.
Letting her praised comment get to my head, I sat up a little straighter in my chair and wiggled my fingers above my keyboard, all in preparation of sharing my “amazing” relationship advice in a lengthy rant. But my mind went blank.
I kept repeating her words in my head, “How the hell do you move on from someone?” in hopes that the magical answer would come to me. After a few minutes of pondering her question, all I could come up with was, “Honestly, I don't know.”
Low and behold, my sought-after advice came in four simple, unhelpful words. We all search and hope for some astonishing, one size fits all answer on how to move on and let go of an old lover. We're looking for one big solution to fix our painful problem.
When in reality, I'm not sure there even is one exclusive answer. Which maybe, is the key to moving on: realizing that not everyone moves on and heals the same way. There is no correct way to move on from someone.
No two relationships are the same. Moving on should be no different. We all heal differently.
For some, it is finding someone else. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, right? Others work on focusing on themselves and taking time to understand what they want from their life and relationships.
Some people drink their agony away, while others wallow in a carton of Ben & Jerry's. Some people let themselves completely feel the pain, while others pretend they don't have any. Some workout, while others eat their feelings.
We all deal with pain and heartbreak in our own ways. Decide what works for you. Then wake up every morning and find happiness throughout your days. Do the best you can, and try not to compare your healing process to the ones of others.
I strongly believe that is what makes moving on so difficult. There's always that lingering bit of hope present in our hearts. We secretly hope this person who rejected or hurt us will change their minds, realize the degree of their mistake and come running back to us. We cling onto this little ounce of hope because it is the only thing the helps us get by.
Let go of how you think things should have occurred. Begin to accept them for the way they are actually happening. Release all the images you have created in your head. Start focusing on the reality of your situation.
Once you accept the direction in which things are going, instead of the way you want them to happen, it will be easier to move on from the things that are not meant for you in this life. It's perfectly normal to be hopeful and want this person to come back into your life. But in the end, I think holding on to this unlikely possibility only hurts us even more.
Moving on is hard. Letting go of a person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with is among one of the toughest things to do in this life. But remember, if they are supposed to be a part of your life, they will find their way back to you.
It is important to have faith that everything is going to work out the way it is meant to. If not with them, then with someone better. Someone who will treat you with more affection. A person who is more deserving of your love.
Respect yourself enough to walk away from things that are no longer meant for you. Get your closure, whatever that means to you. Tell this person everything you have to say, or let silence tell them everything they need to know.
Focus on you and your time on helping other people. Go out with your friends, or stay in with yourself. Find a rebound, or take a break from dating.
Try to fill your life with positive outlets. Spend your time working toward something greater. It's perfectly OK to take a few days off and sulk, but make sure not get stuck in that dark place.
Get over this person on your own terms and at your own rate. Find what works for you, and then do that. There is no timeline that goes along with recovery. No rules coincide with this process. Do what you need to do, and take all the time you need. Figure out how to finally mend your own heart and soul.