Olivia Pope made affairs look sexy. However, most people are lucky if they make it out them alive.
I've always been told to stay away from married men. But why?
Who would want to be involved with guy who has his life together and wants kids? How often do see that in guys our own age?
Now, before you start calling me a homewrecker, hear me out. I do not advise to ever get involved with a married man, specifically if he has kids.
However, sometimes you don't know, and sometimes, it can just be hot. There's the scandal, the intrigue and the fact that something so wrong can feel so right.
The truth is, though, it’s not love, and he’s not your Prince Charming. It is simply infatuation and you wanting what you can’t — and shouldn’t — have.
So, you figure a ring is a dead giveaway, and you should go running the minute you see one, right? Absolutely correct. However, not all guys wear them, especially on business trips.
If you're a hot 20-something at a business conference, you better believe you're going to get looks, and guys will try to pick you up whether you like it or not. It doesn't matter if he's married, single, divorced or in an unhealthy relationship with his cat; nothing will stop a guy from trying to pick you up if that's what he wants.
Now, some guys are looking for a fling, so they won't wear a ring. The question is, how are you supposed to know if he's not sporting his wedding band?
Honestly, sometimes you don't, and you take a risk. I had a great evening with a guy who didn't wear a ring, and I didn't find out until later that he was married with two kids.
I wanted to kill the bastard. Sure, it was one of the hottest experiences of my life, but I felt horrible and dirty. Not only had he lied to me and fooled me, but he also hurt people he supposedly “loved."
I could not rationally understand how someone could do that until I thought of something: What if he needed that escape? Yes, he chose to be married, he chose to have two beautiful girls, and he needs to be a man.
Does that make him any less human, though? I understand a lot of men look and don't touch, but imagine being in a loveless marriage and sticking through it for the kids.
While I agree that cheating is never the answer, I can understand why running after a younger woman would be appealing. We all have things we struggle with in life, and some of us escape with books, exercise or being with loved ones.
What happens when our loved ones are the people we need to escape from? Do we deny ourselves human interaction with others? Do we defy our physical needs?
I’m sure we would like to think we would, but if we cannot, here are six things to remember before getting involved with a married man:
1. It is (and should be) a one-time thing.
You must never see him again. You came, you saw and you conquered. Move on.
2. He will never leave his wife.
No matter what you think, marriage is a bond, and you'd have to have a magic vagina to break that up.
3. You do not want to be a stepmom.
You can barely take care of your student loans and apartment. Are you really equipped to handle dirty diapers and hours of "Dora the Explorer?" I think not.
4. You will close yourself off to other relationships.
If you're chasing a silver fox, you can't see the strong sexy bear in your backyard.
5. He's been through real-life experiences that you haven't been through yet.
You're always going to be on two separate pages, no matter how proud you are of raising your goldfish.
6. The sex is good, but it's empty.
He is thinking about his wife when she was younger while he's sleeping with you. He's thinking about what she'd think, and whether or not she'd divorce him. You are just a body.
Affairs can be hot and a good time for all involved, but at the end of the day, very few work out. If you need to get it out of your system once, then do so. Do it in a remote and faraway place from his wife and family.
I also highly advise not making a habit out of it. Even in our progressive age, ruining families is no legacy to aspire to.
Being the woman on the side is not only detrimental to his wife, but it will also hurt his children if they find out. Every child deserves to grow up with his or her mom and dad together. Don't be a selfish assh*le and destroy that.
Furthermore, as a woman, you need to understand your self-worth. Being some guy’s side-piece tells you more about yourself than it does about him. Be with a guy who only wants you and will do anything to be with you.
Avoid the guys who have to dash home to read the kids a bedtime story. You deserve much better than that.
Save yourself the trouble, and sleep with that cute guy in your grad class. Just do your research and make sure the only person he's tucking in at night is you.