Ladies, it’s been said before, but I’ll say it again: They just don’t make 'em like they used to.
There’s no door-holding, no hand-holding and definitely no free drinks. There's no taking off hats or courting through invitations. There are no smooth moves, no jackets to dinner. There are no flowers, no tables by candlelight. But, most importantly, there are no dates.
If you’re a single woman, you probably envisioned your twenties as a roaring social scene full of expensive dinners and lavish nights out. You probably thought you’d have a boyfriend, or at least a few dates a week.
You probably thought you’d meet a guy at a bar and that he’d ask for your number. You probably thought you'd be on your way to dinner next week.
After too many nights spent in bars and one too many phone numbers given out, you’ve probably realized the sad truth of the situation. You’re not going on any dates or being courted in any type of manner because, unfortunately, men these days are cowards.
Well -- to be fair here -- not all men, but a lot of them.
They’ll make eye contact with you in the bar, but never come over. They’ll get your number, but never call. They’ll offer to buy you a drink, but never pay.
They’ll say a girl is hot, but never hit on her. They’ll text you for a week, but never ask you out. They’ll do absolutely everything but make a move.
I’ve watched men pine over women, talking about them like future wives, yet after staring at them for two hours, let them walk away.
I’ve watched men chase women down for their phone numbers, yet wait a week to text them, acting like it’s something they simply forgot about. I’ve watched men spend an entire night talking to a girl, yet never get up the nerve to ask for her number.
We’re dealing with a new breed of men here and it’s not the kind we grew up dreaming about. It's the want-what-I-want-but-don't-know-how-to-get-it type; it's the sweet and cuddly mama's boys who grow up terrified of making the first move; it's the guys who have so much to say but don't know how to say it.
Now, the unfortunate paradox for a woman is that she must be the chased and the chaser. She must be the target and the shooter. She must play coy and simultaneously pursue him.
Anyone notice the problem here? Yet again, women are left to do all the work. We’re left playing both sides of the game because they’ve simply forgotten how to play.
It stems from a number of factors, but most prominently from the fact that men don’t know what the hell they want from us. They want the virgin and the whore. The want the slut and the good girl. They want the girl who’s hard to get, but they don’t know how to get her.
Because they don’t know what they want, they end up chasing nothing. It’s the dilemma of the overcrowded buffet. There are too many options so they choose an empty plate… or something they don’t even like to begin with.
This leaves women making all the moves. We must tell them what they want if we’re to get anywhere close to the goals we had for ourselves. But it will never be as we fully imagined because, in our dreams, men weren’t timid or scared little boys; in our dreams, men are the ones with the balls to ask us out.
They're scared of you
They’ll never admit it, but you scare the hell out of them. After years of social conditioning, we’ve been duped into thinking that men are the strong ones; that they are the leaders, the protectors and the fighters; that they are the ones that see what they want and go after it.
Well, TV lied to you. Men aren’t these masculine displays of strength and perseverance. They aren’t these persistent characters created by Nicholas Sparks and John Green. They aren’t going to catch your eye and spend all night convincing you why you should be with them. They aren’t Noah Calhouns. They aren’t Augustus Waters.
Men are shy, timid and scared sh*tless of any woman with half a brain.
It’s said that the male ego is as fragile as a woman’s heart and unfortunately for women, men won’t take the chance of letting it shatter. While women willingly put themselves out there, men stand back, scared of the tiniest bruise on their overinflated self-image. So yet again, women must be the strong ones. We must put ourselves out there and risk rejection. Because if we don’t do it, bars will soon be exactly like those middle school dances: boys on one side, girls on the other.
They got it from their mamas
Why are men like this? Well, for years they’ve been raised by their mamas, the women who told them they were the best thing God created on this earth. For years, they’ve been given everything on a silver platter -- up until the end of college when they were picking up women who just threw up their jungle juice.
Of course, some mothers have raised great men. This isn’t to discredit the generation of mothers before us who raised the myriad of young men we’re dealing with today. But for the select few who didn’t teach them how to properly court a woman, well, shame on you.
Shame on you for not teaching them how to properly approach a woman. Shame on you for giving them the idea that women must go to them. Shame on you for making them believe all they had to do was stand at a bar and wait for a girl to appear on their arm.
They think there's always someone better
In the society in which we live today, with Gigi Hadid and Miranda Kerr’s Instagrams readily accessible, women have got a lot to compete with. Fortunately, we're competing with women these men will never have a shot with. Unfortunately, these men don't seem to know this.
We can dream about Channing Tatum and Chris Pine all we want, but at least women are rational enough to understand that’s just not gonna happen. So we settle for the options we’ve been given and learn to work with what we have.
Men, on the other hand, always seem to be waiting for something better. In the age of Facebook and Instagram, there's this constant filtered delusion that a hotter girl sits just an inbox away.
Men also know that if they don’t get up the nerve to ask you out, all they have to do is swipe right on Tinder to skip the date and get right to the good stuff.
They never grew up
In a sad, but not all that surprising, report by Nickelodeon UK, men are 11 years behind women in maturity. While women reach maturation by 32, men aren’t fully matured until 43. While this study garnered much attention, women everywhere were less than surprised. Didn’t we already know this?
To add insult to the few dates you have yet to be asked on, men are also getting married less than ever before. According to a study by Pew Research Center, only 26 percent of Generation-Y is married.
Compared to the 48 percent of our parents at this age, there’s no denying that men just don’t have their sh*t together.
We're dating less and thus, marrying less. And the downfall picks up speed with every failed attempt to ask a woman out.
Photo Courtesy: Jestem Kasia