It's Not About The Men In Your Life, It's About The Life In Your Men

by Paul Hudson

I’m convinced that every woman in the world is looking for the same guy. Of course, not literally the same guy -- not even the same type of guy, but basically the same guy.

All women look for the same fundamental qualities: They look for men they are attracted to -- although what each woman finds attractive varies; they look for men who'll be honest with them, who are successful and capable of providing for them -- whether or not they already provide for themselves; they look for men who treat them with respect and love them.

But, most importantly, the one thing every woman is looking for in a man is a man who can provide the life she's always dreamed of.

I don’t mean a man who has enough money to buy his woman jewelry, cars, yachts and other trinkets; I mean a man who can help create a journey his partner would love living.

The only way this is possible is if he has the aforementioned basic qualities women find attractive (all people find attractive, really). These qualities are necessary in order for someone to have enough selflessness to sufficiently love a woman the way she deserves to be loved.

Every woman is looking for this man -- the same man -- a man who is so full of life, he sweeps her off her feet, out of her reality and places her gently into his.

I can only imagine how difficult it must be to find such a man. I know plenty of men and I, honestly, have difficulty imagining women being happy as their partners. Not that they're bad people, but because they're so lost in their own lives that they, themselves, are miserable.

Sure, we often say that finding the love of our lives gives us the purpose we seek, and although that may be sufficient for the less egocentric and ambitious, it isn’t enough for those of us who are hungry for greatness.

And let’s be honest: Women want great men.

Women want men who refuse to give themselves to their lovers entirely.

They are attracted to men who are ambitious, driven, smart and egocentric -- it allows for a subtle, but constant yearning for them, as the attention they give women is limited. And, to women, never as much attention as they desire.

There is nothing in the world people want more than that which is denied. This goes for men just as it does for women. In fact, this constant tension is what allows for that intense emotion we call romantic love.

In other words, it’s a very good thing. Or at least, it can be, as long as both individuals understand that that sort of tension is not only healthy, but necessary to keep the love alive.

This, of course, gets even more complicated when we consider the fact that most of these driven men will choose their work over their women -- something that, I’m afraid, isn’t allowed.

Not in a woman's eyes at least. The ideal man is a man who will dive into his work with a fervor, but will always be there for his woman when she needs him.

Women want great men who think of them as the most important people in their lives.

It’s a conquest of sorts, but then again, love always is. We want the person we desire, whom we're in love with, to love us back at least as much as we love him or her. We want the person we love, the person we find to be the most important thing in the world, to believe we are the most important thing in the world, too.

People always want to make love out to be some sort of selfless act. It’s not. Even if we love for the sake of loving, we sure as hell feel a need for that love to be reciprocated. If it isn’t, it hurts. Because it hurts, love must have a factor of selfishness to it -- it’s literally our egos hurting.

Being a little selfish, being egocentric and even slightly egotistical, isn’t a bad thing. It isn’t wrong; it’s natural. Both men and women would live much happier lives -- with their partners -- were they to be a bit more selfish. Or rather, if they stopped pretending like they weren’t selfish when, in reality, they are.

Everybody is a selfless lover until the relationship starts having problems. If you were entirely selfless then you couldn’t possibly have problems as you’d always be giving in to your partner's requests.

You need to be selfish because you need that tension to survive. In the beginning of a relationship, it’s easy: There's so much uncertainty involved. Will she want to see me again? Will he call me? Will we fall in love?

Once the chase is over and things get comfortable, you need that selfish tension in order to keep things exciting. Without tension, there is no "potential energy" -- there isn’t enough life in the relationship.

Women need men who create excitement not only for them, but with them.

They want men who can take them on adventures, take them out of their comfort zones and to experience new experiences with. They want men they can live a life of change with -- a life we are all forced to live, but most often fail to live successfully.

They want men who will constantly remind them, make them feel, how alive they are. We spend so much time these days doing things that eat away at what little time we are allotted.

We all need a partner who can help slow down the remaining time we do have and help us enjoy it to its fullest potential.

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