Everyone's To Blame: Why Both Men And Women End Up Dating Jerks

by Grant Miller

This piece offers no theory as to why women date jerks.

It won’t propose that women like a challenge, such as changing a man, or that they have been conditioned to believe that if a man is cruel, he must like her.

These are all old theories that change very little, regardless of how often we rehash them.

Instead, this piece poses a question for the nice guys who complain about the women who ignore them and date jerks instead.

Have you considered the possibility that you like jerks, too?

Let’s use the age-old story: Boy likes girl.

Boy does everything in his power to attract girl’s favor, but girl shuts him down in an embarrassing fashion every time.

When boy asks girl out, girl agrees to a date and stands the boy up.

When boy buys girl a gift, girl throws it out and laughs at him.

Girl then dates the jerk and calls the boy for emotional support when it doesn’t work.

Conventional dating advice says, “That’s all right. Girls just like jerks.”

This is problematic.

It sends the message to the otherwise friendly, respectful man with good intentions that he must be a jerk to get the woman he wants.

He is told he must be selfish, manipulative and cold for women to find him attractive.

The thing is, in reality, everyone likes something different.

Some women like bad guys. Some don’t.

Generalizations lead us nowhere.

I propose a different theory.

If you’re a nice guy and women keep steamrolling you on their way to dating someone else, it’s highly possible you are just as self-destructive in your dating decisions as the women you complain about.

If you keep chasing women who take you for granted and disrespect your time on purpose because they feel entitled to do so, at some point, you only have yourself to blame.

If you keep talking to women who speak to you with condescension and disdain, then you only have yourself to blame.

A woman who mistreats you doesn’t just like jerks: She is a jerk.

You should’ve walked away from her by now.

It’s not your fault she’s a jerk, but sticking around for disrespect falls on you.

Just like the woman you watched pursue the bad guy, you have a choice.

You don’t have to give a woman the time of day if she doesn’t give you that time in return. You don’t have to waste your time on someone who doesn’t reciprocate your efforts.

You have a choice to walk away and free yourself up for a someone who does.

Women who like kind-hearted gentlemen are out there.

They love men who make it their personal missions to please their women mentally, spiritually and physically.

Women who want men to bring them happiness instead of tears live all around us.

You just haven’t noticed because you’re busy chasing jerks who see no value in you outside their own selfish desires.

The more you complain — instead of just dusting off your shoulders and moving on to a happier life without them — the less energy you will have to invest in someone worthy of your effort.

Just like the women who only date bad boys, you might have deep-seated reasons for dating bad girls.

Perhaps you were taught that if a woman mistreats you, she must like you.

Or maybe you’re just so naïve that you confused the friend zone with an actual friendship.

There is a plethora of theories out there regarding the reasons we all make poor dating decisions, but we’re all responsible for our mishaps.

The first step to correcting a mistake is realizing you’re making one.

This principle doesn’t apply to only women. It's time we took some responsibility, too.